my favs

[bbgapril]

I was asking a friend if he would call me away for an "emergency" and then I would not have to go. That's when he explained to me that if I went this time, and sufficiently embarrassed myself, she probably would not make me go again. Did I mention what a genius he truly is?

[bbgapril]

Thus I found myself standing at the microphone wearing an overcoat with a pillow stuffed underneath and the track for Heartbreak hotel ready to roll.
"just a little song for the little lady of mine.." I began

[bbgapril]

Well, my baby left me
Said I was too fat
Shoved out the garage door
In my raincoat and hat

I got the jelly
The too big a belly
The gummy bear butt blues

[bbgapril]

I went to the all you can eat
Stayed till they were closed
Finally someone walked up my chins
And punched me in the nose

I got the jelly
The too big a belly
The gummy bear butt blues

[bbgapril]

I thought I knew good lovin,
Till I got on top
Then I found my lovin
Was just a belly flop

I got the jelly
The too big a belly
The gummy bear butt blues

[bbgapril]

I used to be the leanest
Guy you’ve ever seen
Now small children use me
Like a trampoline

I got the jelly
The too big a belly
The gummy bear butt blues

[bbgapril]

If your cracking concrete
And bending wooden floors
And have to keep the Crisco out
To fit threw the doors

You’ve got the jelly
The too big a belly
The gummy bear butt blues

You mean twinkies can be frozen?..oh man!!!

[bbgapril]

As I stepped away, took off the outfit, and looked to see if my wife had crawled under the table, I found out one universal truth. Drunk people laugh at the stupidest things in life. The more drunk they are, the more stupid it is, the more they love it. This totally backfired, they loved it.

[bbgapril]

The rest of the night was spent listening to people make up their own lyrics to songs. Ina degada devita turned into in the garden I'm weeding, born in the USA turned into horny and still waiting, and don't stand so close to me became the story of two men at a urinal ( your dripping..on my shoe..at least you could hit the bowl..oh look there ..you can use.. that open stall) It was horrible.

[bbgapril]

In fact, as it ended, everyone was going home and thinking up lyrics for the next event..UUUUURGG