my favs

[bbgapril]

The local strip club has gone non smoking, and has hired the biggest bunch of terds to chase away anyone who smokes within thirty feet of it's entrance.
This is because the owner has quit smoking and wants everyone else to.

[bbgapril]

So, when this guy I know came into the bar looking like he had been in a car wreck, I began to ask questions.
He had had a few and was leaving the club when one of the bouncers, I'll call him Bruce, beat the crap out of him for lighting up on the parking lot.
I have a passing familiarity with Bruce, he is a young twenty year old, about 6 foot 2 inch freak who likes to date girls in high school.
He thinks he can fight because he is used to beating up kids younger, or men much older, than him.
My second son is in town and he is sparring MMA while going to college, so a devious plan was hatched.
Bruce would see me coming and run for the hills, but my son could put some baby powder in his hair and wear a trench coat catching Bruce off guard.

[bbgapril]

The night came when we put this plan in action. My son dressed up and stood on the parking lot waiting Bruce to come out the door and make his usual rounds. When Bruce showed his face, my son turned his back and lit up a smoke.
Bruce yelled at him and charged across the parking lot, grabbing my boy by the back of the coat and spinning him around. You should have seen his face when he realized who he had his hands on, at least that was untill his face collided with a fast right uppercut, a knee, and the fender of a Ford pick up truck.
I rolled in on my bike and stood next to my son, awaiting the other bouncers to arrive.

[bbgapril]

After a brief discussion with these two yahoos, the Sheriff Department arrived and pulled the tapes from the security cameras. In the State I live in, if you are attacked, you can defend yourself, and that is what he saw on the tape. That night the owner who employed these idiots went home without his liquor license since paying one of your employees to attack someone is a big no no.

[bbgapril]

The hearing will be in two weeks for his liquor license, the arraignment of Bruce and his buddies was last Monday (assault third, two counts each). The judge, a very nice man who lives up the road from me, told these boys that since they were going to loose their freedom, they could have at least won the fight, then called them the stupidest pack of inbreeds to darken his doorway.
It wasn't till later I found out my friend from the bar who got beat up was his relative and he was quite happy with the results of the incident.

[bbgapril]

My son went back to college, leaving me to deal with..the wife

[bbgapril]

She was so mad, I counted not just the guns in the house, but the bullets, frying pans, and kitchen knives. My son left fast, knowing his Mom would always forgive him. I, on the other hand, was on the hook for it.

[bbgapril]

So, Tuesday, she came home to dinner ready and served on good china, with her favorite wine and fresh flowers on the table. She informed me that this did not let me off the hook for this, I informed her that that hand job she gave the male stripper, which I paid for, would not ever be brought up again and the pictures would not be posted where her friends could find them.
I am not above sinking to blackmail, even when I would be skunked if she called my bluff.

[bbgapril]

So, as the tension drained away over good food and wine, she told me I owed her two things, then the subject was over. We had taught our children a strong sense of independence and social morality, but I had to promise not to place them in jeopardy on purpose again. I agreed.
Now on to the second thing...

[bbgapril]

She lead me over to the couch and had me kneel down in front of her as she sat back on the couch. Hiking up her skirt and parting her legs wide, I could see what she wanted, and knew she would get, in return for forgiveness.
She was wearing a pair of tan thigh highs that came to rest at the crease of her leg where it met her hips. No panties today. He shaved mound was staring me in the face.