Stephanie's pokemon strip war (johto)

[smjimmie1348]

Stephanie's pokemon strip wars part 5 ( 4th gym) this is part 5 of my new series and its called Stephanie's pokemon strip wars and after I won the goldenrod city gym badge after defeating Whitney I traveled to ecruteak city and on the way I saw this weird tree and all of a sudden it attacked me then I fell on my but and grabbed croconaws poke ball and sent out croconaw and it uses water gun on it and it knocked that pokemon out and I threw another poke ball and caught it so I caught a sudowoodo so I arrived in ecruteak city home of the new gym leader fantina and also home of the burned tower and the 4 legendary pokemon so she went to pokemon center and healed her pokemon up and then headed to the pokemon city gym there it was and I said time to get my 4th johto league badge so here we are in the ecruteak city gym and I'm wearing a traditional kimono because my clothes were stolen so I hope I don't lose so this is a 2 on 2 battle she sent out gastly I sent out sudowoodo and we started I said sudowoodo tackle and it went right through gastly and ran into the wall then she says gastly use hypnosis and sudowoodo was fast asleep then she said dream eater and knocked out sudowoodo then said choose your next pokemon I sent out croconaw and she said hypnosis and I said dodge it and use bite and it hit gastly and it was knocked out so we were even and she sent out gengar and then I said bite then she says dodge and use shadow punch and it hit me while croconaw was on fantina and I fell down then fantina said gengar after her I got this thing and croconaw now mad started biting and it bit a chunk of her dress and pulled it and it came off to reveal her purple bra and panties so I win my 4th badge*

[E_Stacy]

Hi smjimmie1348
I admire your enthusiasm for your story, but it seems you are determined to ignore all advice on punctuation and about tidying up before posting. It's a pity because I found I just couldn't get into the story with all those words coming at me like that.
You might well have something there if you take a long enough breath to heed some of the advice given.

All the best with the writing.

[smjimmie1348]

So all of u don't care how long I take as long as its readable

[hanskumoekk]

Originally Posted by smjimmie1348

So all of u don't care how long I take as long as its readable

1st priority: Make it readable.
....
....
....
124th priority: Write fast.

Punctuations and paragraphs are so important for readers to follow with interest. If not, the story completely drowns itself.

It's interesting that your last chapter doesn't contain one single punctuation at all. I like your idea, but I just can't read it like that.

[smjimmie1348]

Ok thnx for the comments and I try to make it better the next one will be better but not like how u all might like it

[Gdiddles]

Please rewrite your previous chapters! Authors write for others, so their can appreciate their thoughts. If no one can understand you, you might as well never record it at all.

[smjimmie1348]

I might have to but I don't know how

[hanskumoekk]

Originally Posted by smjimmie1348

I might have to but I don't know how

Yeah, I don't think it's possible to edit posts this long time after it was posted. What I would suggest is to rewrite and repost every chapter as new posts. With punctuations, paragraphs and everything properly written so we can all appreciate your ideas.

[smjimmie1348]

ok which gym u want redone first

[hanskumoekk]

Originally Posted by smjimmie1348

ok which gym u want redone first

Every one of them really, with proper grammar. Now I don't want to be mean to you, but a good start would be to also type every post properly as well, like that last one. I'd write "you" instead of "u", no matter if it's a story or if it's a regular reply. I don't think I spend much more time writing my posts as proper as I can more than I would if I shortened everything. You don't save time like that, you basically take up more of our time by making it harder to read.

I want to see you succeed, and I want to see you grow as a writer. A good way to start would be to actually write properly at all times.

I support you in this!