The Great Bride Thread

[osreb]

bride + freckles + tanlines + 1 figer salute = 4 theads in 1

Gotta adda joke:

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same
sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the
upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman
saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you
be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea', she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good', she replied. 'Get your own fucking blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

[osreb]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way'

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight... It should be okay next week; but if you remove the splint you will risk permanate damage.'

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched these.'

He just sits there with no reaction.

She then takes off her panties and said 'You're the first; no man has EVER even seen this.'

He stands up and exclaims; 'Baby, I got you beat.'
He drops his pants and replies, .....'Look at this, ....still in the CRATE!'

[osreb]

Q. What does a woman like better than roses on her piano?

A. Tulips on her organ.

[osreb]

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding
she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire
night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected
'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85
year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to
sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and
it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight
and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready
for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy ! each other.


But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am
thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good
once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'



Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I
was here already?'


The moral of the story:


Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages

[osreb]

The other night I was invited out for a night with the
'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
>
> Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too
> easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
>
> Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway
> started up and cuckooed 3 times.
>
> Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I
> cuckooed another 9 times.
>
> I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
> quick-witted solution,
> in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
> totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
> MIDNIGHT!)
>
> The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I
> told him 'MIDNIGHT'.... he didn't seem pissed off in the
> least. Whew, I got away with that one!
>
> Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
>
> When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our
> clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times,
> cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
> tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[bustypics]

Only one, but she's cute.

[osreb]

on 10 -1

Two Italian men are at a bus stop talking and a woman next to them overhears their conversation.
"Emma come first, then I come, then two asses come together, then I come again, then two asses come together again, I come again and pee twice, I come one last time."
"You filthy swine!", shouts the woman.
"What?!? I was only telling my friend how to spell Mississippi", replies the Italian man.

[osreb]

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the
birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears.
'Promise me you won't tell me.'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no
Easter Bunny' speech.

At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid,
I'll have nothing left to live for.'

[osreb]

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

[kj06]

very nice!