April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[big bear]

Originally Posted by osreb

jokes & pics thread

Naughty elves?

[jackdupp]

Bathroom humor

[osreb]

A little boy has diarrhea.

He ask his Mom for a Viagra.

"why on earth would you want that" she replied

The boy replied: "isn't that what you tell Dad to take when his shit won't get hard"?

[osreb]

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, ‘Thanks’, and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?"

She explained, “The Egg Timer's Broken."

[osreb]

heats and roses

[osreb]

Two older men in a bar;
one says. "I heard on TV last night that elk have sex 2 or3 times a day"
"Dawn" says the other one; "I just joined the Knights of Columbus"

[osreb]

Kevin had shingles.

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?

Here's what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had ..Kevin said, 'Shingles.'

So she wrote down his height,weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles ...'

So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck.


another joke here:

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/show...postcount=1329

[osreb]

The teacher gave her third grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes, ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking."

[osreb]

4-2-17

[osreb]

4/9/17