Divorce Court

[bigi442000]

This was a marriage made in Heaven. The couple, both Republican operatives, had the world on a string. However, one day, Mrs Yablonski's portfolio devalued by 50%. That very day her job was displaced by a faceless phone clone in Bangladesh. Needless to say, she became a manic Democrat overnight. Mr Yablonski, on the other hand, had finally reached his goal of buying out Joe's Sewerage and Septic Sucking Service and after ten years of sucking at sewers he could employ another sucker to suck septic sewers. Needless to say, he saw the Democratic candidate as the Antichrist. The couple was subjected to endless streams of political volunteers arriving at the door at all times of the day and night, hundreds of phone calls from pollsters, and a continuous stream of political radio ads and TV commercials. Each night, FOX reinforced him, and PBS reinforced her. Madness began to set in. The end came when Mr Yablonski told his wife that she was almost as hot as Governor Palin. Alas, yet another mixed marriage down the toilet.

[bigi442000]

Mr Young was successful in having his wife convert to fundamentalist Mormonism. However, Mrs Young failed to understand that the principal tenet of the splinter religion is that only the males get to have multiple partners.

[bigi442000]

Mrs Guinn might have gotten away with her adultery had it not been for the lightning that was attracted to her various metal piercings and jewelry. Apparently, Mrs Guinn was making love to the next door neighbor in her children's tree house when an unexpected thunderstorm hit. Still, she might have been able to explain away her and her neighbor's scorched nudity as the police, EMTs, and fire department arrived, had it not been for the fact that the bolt had welded her facial jewelry to her neighbor's clitoral and labial jewelry. This is an object lesson. I'm not sure of what, but an object lesson nonetheless.

[bigtunaman]

Fun thread!

Tuna

[bigi442000]

This divorce began as a battle of wills. The parties one night embarked in an enthusiastic if somewhat unusual state of marital bliss In the morning, when Mrs Targantos sobered up, she was not so happy with the new deal. Mr Targantos, on the other hand, was quite content to continue their new found relationship.

[bigi442000]

This is a cautionary tale. We were raised knowing one never runs with scissors. How could we ever know that men would someday adopt hairstyles that would poke out one of the eyes of their wives?

[bigi442000]

So what part of the prenuptial agreement that stated posting you wife on the net got you an instant divorce did you not understand?

[bigi442000]

So do I understand your testimony, Mrs White, that you were hacking up a chicken in the kitchen with a cleaver when your husband said something to the effect that he could find a better woman to "slob his knob"...a colorful phrase to be sure...in an Elko cat house?

[bigi442000]

Mrs Binghamton was at first quite happy with her marriage. Not many can say that they are wed to a television hero. However, the bloom soon came off the rose when Mr Binghamton lost his job acting as Bozo the Clown (without makeup, no less) on Utica's Romper Room. Unable to break out of the Utica market, Mr Binghamton was reduced to working minimum wage, waving at cars outside of Ferdinand's Grill and Adult Pleasure Dome. Try as he might to keep his wife happy at night, Little Bozo, as they used to call it, couldn't fill the bill.

[bigi442000]

Mrs Fine, let me say that I have pondered this case at length. I have reviewed the photographs and have consulted with the other judges in this circuit. I have also studied the archives of this court, reviewed the Old Testament, looked to the complete archive of the Penthouse letters section, and even researched Gibbon's Fall of the Roman Empire. Everyone agrees that you have set some kind of record. In any event, the bad news is I can't give you alimony. The good news is that you will be the cover story in next month's Family Law Journal, and also in Hustler Magazine.