April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[Anony]

The Ladies Room

This is why men should keep out of ladies rooms !
A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR".

Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immedately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!". Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR".

When he woke up in the hospital he paniced and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your penis is under your pillow!"

[osreb]

Upon arriving home from work our hero was greeted by his wife, dressed in a
low cut and very sexy dress.

"Have you ever seen a fifty dollar bill all crumpled up?" She asked.

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and
pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen a hundred all crumpled up?" she asked.

"Uh, nope."

She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties
and pulled out a crumpled hundred dollar bill.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," he said, now really intrigued.




"Go look in the garage..."

[osreb]

Is this statutory R@pe?

Or is it just a moosedemeanor?

Stop laughing! This is serious.

[fater.lajos]

Neu edition

[osreb]

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

"What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

[osreb]

Scottish bar stool

[osreb]

April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

all I learned from Star Trec...

[osreb]

TGIF

[osreb]

Boudreau was in Mexico on a vacation. How he got there I don’t know. He was not very happy eating that Mexican food, so he thought, “I’ll have a hamburger. Not even these Mexican’s can ruin a hamburger.” When his ordered burger arrived and he tasted it and was very surprised. It tasted like Cajun food. It was so hot it was not easy to eat. That is just the way we Cajuns like it. When he complemented the chef on the
Cajun food he was told it was Mexican. When he inquired about why it was so hot he was told it was because the mayonnaise had jalapeño peppers in it. Boudreau liked it so much he took ten jars of the mayonnaise when he went back to Baton Rouge (that’s Red Stick in English) Louisiana. Boudreau’s family and friends soon found he had the jalapeño mayonnaise and before long it was gone.
Boudreau went to the Cajun Super Market to see his friend Guion (that’s William in English) and told him about the jalapeño mayonnaise. Guion ordered twenty cases. It was sold in a week. Guion sent a country Cadillac (that’s a pick um up truck) to get a load of the jalapeño mayonnaise. In less than a month it had been sold. Guion ordered a shipload of the jalapeño mayonnaise. The jalapeño mayonnaise was loaded and the ship started it’s journey across the Gulf of Mexico. A great storm arose. The waves were huge. The ship sank. The Mexican people were devastated that their ship sank with all of that wonderful jalapeño mayonnaise on board. After days of mourning the Mexicans made a holiday of the day ship sank.

They called it



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Cinko de Mayo