Under The influence

[shadybeaverguy]

The pic of the chick exhaling with the bong is WICKED!!

too bad you cant see her eyes....

[butterman]

girls know how to party

[osreb]

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have s*x.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

__________________

[osreb]

Rodney Carrington
Titties And Beer lyrics


On the first nite in the tittie club
we were checkin out all the chicks.
There were black ones and white ones,
bruinets and blondes,
look at the size of the red heads tits.
The first gal I tipped was flat as hell
but had a nice ass that was sent from god.
I was horny and even though
I aint rich I was tippin like a son of a b*tch.
You see you been to a tittie bar
with 200 bucks it feels good to be out with my freinds,
in the tittie club you can be a good cheer
cause there aint nuttin better then titties and beer

[osreb]

As we get older, we may doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.

It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.

Harold Sclumberg, 85, is such a person.

I've often been asked, "What do you do now that you're old and retired?" I tell them, "Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I do that gives me the most satisfaction is turning beer, wine, Scotch, bourbon, and margaritas into urine. I'm pretty damn good at it, too!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[osreb]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humor.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight , 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door,
the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9
times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 Cuckoos
MIDNIGHT !

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him '
MIDNIGHT '... he didn't seem pissed off in the least..

Whew, I got aw ay with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why? he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three
times, then said 'oh shit..' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.


__._,_.___

[osreb]

on 9-9-9

1. One Scotch, One Bourbon, One Beer - Amos Milburn
2. Don’t Come Home A Drinkin’(With Lovin’ On Your Mind) – Loretta Lynn
3. Whiskey In the Jar - Traditional
4. Drinkin’ Wine Spo-Dee-O-Dee - Various
5. White Lightnin’- George Jones
6. Don’t Take My Whiskey Away From Me - Wynonie Harris
7. Quiet Whiskey – Wynonie Harris
8. Streams of Whiskey - Pogues
9. There Stands the Glass - Webb Pierce

[osreb]

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be
alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-****-drug on the market called *"Beer."*

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. *

**Beer** *is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of *Beer* and then
simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.


Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several *Beers*, men
will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to
whom they would never normally be attracted.


After drinking *Beer, **men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly
what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that
'something bad' occurred.** *
**
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their
life's savings,
in a familiar scam known as *'a relationship.' * In extreme cases, the
female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a
longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as *'marriage.'*


Men are much more susceptible to this scam after *Beer* is administered and
sex is offered by the predatory females.


If you fall victim to this *'**Beer**'* scam and the women administering it,
there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your
shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.


For the support group nearest you, just look up *'Golf Courses'** *in the
phone book.

[Fango]

Originally Posted by ST2189

Santa's little helper loves to drink and show off

Nice. I'd love to see her, erm, "unwrapped". Any chance you have more of her?

Thanks

Fango

[osreb]

An Irishman is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.

The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'

'No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'

The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'

The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's running about an hour fast. Can I buy you a drink?