April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and
toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've
got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is
going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt
still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,"What was that all about?"

She explained, The egg timer's broken."

[osreb]

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE PERSON SEATED NEXT TO YOU


A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was
truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table
and said: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I
guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy then responded with a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered in her ears: "I study law, and I know how to make
someone feel guilty."

[osreb]

How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM




Answers:










1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
Well, you don't have Alzheimer's, but you are a pervert!

[osreb]

Cartoon logic

[osreb]

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out yhe window?
Looks like " rain " dear

Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
Because he's a man and does his own laundry

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can HO HO HO

[Dogseye]

Snake should have kept his mouth shut

[osreb]

Finally got my tree up....I Love the smell of pine

[osreb]

connect the dots in pic 1

[osreb]

I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block, but since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; considering I have never driven a cab before, and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.

[osreb]

Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

“What’s the matter?” Jack asked.

“I’ve been transferred to Detroit, there’s crazy people there. They’ve got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate.”

Jack replied, “I’ve lived in Detroit all my life. It’s not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice private school. It’s as safe a place as anywhere in the world.”

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, “Oh, thank you. I’ve been worried to death. But if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”

“Me?” said Jack. “I’m a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck.”