April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

I hope you never witnessed some like this air show disaster

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the Air Show and slams into four buildings.

One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

see pic 1

[mitcham]

A patient in a mental facility escapes from his room and decides to leg it. He opens a door thinking it's a way out, only to find himself in the laundry room where two young women were working. Having not even seen girls for a very long time he gets an instant hard-on and gives both of them a seeing-to. Having satisfied his lust he manages to find the way out and disappears into the outside world. The next morning the local newspaper reported the story under the headline, "Nut screws washers and bolts."

Pics of my wife's piercings.

[osreb]

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus, so shut up.'

[lapeer25]

Jokes and pics make for a good Monday.
Thanks

[osreb]

Pic 1 -The picture that will stay with her for the rest of her life:


Make-up and hair style ………………. $500

New dress for the show ………………$700

Giant stuffed bear ……………………… $300

Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in her hand …..Priceless!!!

[Rute Boye]

Here's a talent scout in action!

[sooty]

The first one happened back in the 80s at a travel agency where I worked. It was one girls birthday and another offered to make her a cup of tea which she did but once it was made she placed a tampon in the cup and attached the tea bag label to the end of the string. When the birthday girl pulled out the "bag" she got quite a surprise!

The second one is quite gross and not for the squeamish so skip it if you have a weak stomach. Three guys from my fishing club were in a small aluminium boat on a river and not catching much when one of them decided to let go a really big fart. The trouble was that it was more than a fart and he shit himself instead! He then had to remove his pants and throw away his undies and clean up as best he could in the cold wind. After another hour or two they decided to give it away with no fish when suddenly his rod bent over and it looked like it might be a good one. To everyone's dismay when he got it to the surface there was his undies complete with the errant turd!

The third one involves a couple who were on a caravanning trip through outback Australia and he always kept a shotgun in the van "just in case". One night in a very remote spot they heard noises like footsteps around the van and some sounds but were not sure if they were human or animal. Finally he decided that he would get his wife to fling open the door and he would fire a shot into the air to scare off whoever/whatever it was. Fumbling in the dark he loaded the gun and she turned on the light, threw open the door and he pulled the trigger but nothing happened. In panic he looked to see what was wrong and he found that in the dark he had shoved a tube of quickeze into the gun instead of a cartridge! Luckily whatever/whoever was outside decided to leave anyway.

Here are a few nudes to enjoy

[wolf775]

I'm not sure where this should go but I thought it was funny.

I don’t claim to know too much about life saving……..
But in order to bring this guy back to life,
my money is on the girl on the right……

[Sparky 45]

I think the one on the left is making it so he CAN live. The one on the right is making him WANT to live!

[osreb]

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as you would
running 8 miles.



Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?