Under The influence

[Samsonite]

from flickr

[butterman]

Tokers

[osreb]

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, I said: "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

[osreb]

This is worrying:

Beer contains female hormones.

Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women . To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.


Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer.

[osreb]

Two old Irish drunks, Seamus and Tim, on their way home from the pub, were stumbling up the country road in near darkness.

"Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"

"Glory be, Timothy, was it anybody we knew?"

"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"

[crispus]

...though perhaps not (or not only?) of alcohol...

[griffo]

Some great photos....thx.

[osreb]

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says "Yup" and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

[osreb]

Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says: "Did you know that Moose have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"Aw shit...," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW

[thisismyname]

so cute