100 pantyhose pics - part LXXIII

[osreb]

pantyhose pics turns 73.

Enjoy the pics and jokes about those who are 73.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday.
The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
"Well, shit, so that's why no one was at church today."

[osreb]

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar :

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar
and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple
of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer..

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one
who gives the hand-jobs? "

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs:

"Yes Sir , I sure am "

The old golfer leans closer and whispers softly into her left ear, "Well, Honey... please make sure
you wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

[osreb]

AND WHO SAYS WE'RE NOT RICH!!!

Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth.
Stones in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood.

Lead in the Ass.

Iron in the Arteries..

And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth...

[osreb]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her
friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.

We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

[osreb]

The $2.99 Special

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......


We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!

[osreb]

TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut!!!!!!

[osreb]

At the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was
planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave
because he is so popular. Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in
Newton and Brookline , stands up and proclaims "If the rabbi stays, I will
provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van
to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If the
rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a
foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!"

More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the rabbi
stays, I will give him sex!" There is total silence. The rabbi, blushing asks
her: "Mrs. Rubin, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you
to say that?"

Estelle's 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side,
while his wife replies: "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and
he said, "Fuck him."

[osreb]

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.

THE TICKET AGENT ASKED,

"SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID,

"THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.

"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.

THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER

UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"

"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,

"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN

[osreb]

Two elderly women were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs. One had a
Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street,
the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that
bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got the
dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a
pair of dark glasses and started to walk in... The bouncer at the door
said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my
seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"

The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a
Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but
thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started
to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets
allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The woman said indignantly, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a
Chihuahua???????"


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[osreb]

that all for part 73; I'm already collecting for part 74.