[Request] Trying to find - hawaii girl, loses job (and uniform), ends up humiliated

[todd_cheese]

Wow, lots of comments about my little story. Thanks, everyone.

Originally Posted by Adkit

I usually like ENF stories but God damnit that was badly written. There is no way that could ever happen to anyone in the history of ever. x.x

Damn dude, sounds like my story really killed your boner. Sorry about that. Don't worry, there will be others. (Other boners, and other stories from me, hopefully of the non-boner-killing variety.)

Age regression seems to require a bit more suspension of disbelief than other humiliation-themed stories.

Originally Posted by Adkit

Erica has to follow along with the idea that she's a little girl because if they realized she was a grownup they'd be very harsh on her and she'd be in trouble.

I guess you must have given up on Keilani before you read Part 6.

Mind posting the link to the Erica story? I don't think I've read that one yet.

Originally Posted by cerindclvr

The Keilani story is surprisingly light on the stripping and public nudity, etc

There are a few ENF scenes sprinkled throughout the story, but that's not really its primary focus. I like to explore a variety of female humiliation in my stories, and age regression makes it easy to feature spanking, being dressed in childish clothes, and teasing at the hands of a younger person.

Originally Posted by 1234567891011

there's just a million gaping plotholes, firstly can anyone here honestly say they dont know off hand the landline phone number of at least one relative other than parents?

I'd always pictured Keilani as having no immediate family aside from her parents. That's atypical of Hawaiians in general, but I felt it fit the theme of isolation which is prevalent throughout the entire story. I've been meaning to have Keilani address the issue, but couldn't think of a good way to do it without retrofitting the early chapters (which I don't like to do). This thread actually gave me an idea for that.

The truth is, Keilani's Long Vacation was originally a one-off. Back when I wrote the first chapter I had no idea when, or even if, I would do any follow-up. I'd read a number of age regression stories by other authors, and noticed that they all seemed to end after one or two chapters, with no real sense of closure for the adult-turned-child. I wanted to do something different, provided the interest was there. The Keilani story turned out to be popular enough that I continued it, but there wasn't a lot of planning and backstory set up in the early stages. I pretty much just went with whatever I came up with. Somewhere around chapter 4 I finally sat down and worked out where the story would end and how I would arrive there.

Anyway, that's one gaping plot hole addressed. Can you help me identify the other nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine?

Originally Posted by 1234567891011

what about addresses, i'm sure by law every effort would have to be made to contact the parents

Gail and the Sisters have always been making an effort to locate Keilani's parents, but that doesn't change the issue of what do you do with her in the meantime. This will definitely be addressed in the next chapter, it's long overdue.

Originally Posted by 1234567891011

The other massive problem I have with it is the story is extremely depressive, there's never a ray of hope, moment of revenge for example or at least something up lifting, it's just a constant string of life ruining events and for me it ruins any enjoyment of the story.

That's a fair criticism, as my trend has always been to slowly erode her old life, and ensure that everything is stacked against her. It's part of the whole humiliation thing. If you have any suggestions for how I might give her a bit of a break without compromising that, let me know. I have used other readers' suggestions before, and while the major beats are pretty much set in stone at this point, there's still some room for an extra scene or two.

Anyway, glad to see there are still people discovering the story. Now to find time to finish Part 7...

[SPLOTCH11]

this is my absolute favorite. I've totally modeled my age regression story off of this, with some elements of Sibling Rivalry thrown in. I like the character, I like the narrative, where she's writing to the audience online just to have someone to tell the story too. I like the setting, in Hawaii, lost on an island and completely isolated. The biggest bummer to me is how long there is between chapters, because I've been hooked for years.

[SPLOTCH11]

this is my absolute favorite. I've totally modeled my age regression story off of this, with some elements of Sibling Rivalry thrown in. I like the character, I like the narrative, where she's writing to the audience online just to have someone to tell the story too. I like the setting, in Hawaii, lost on an island and completely isolated. The biggest bummer to me is how long there is between chapters, because I've been hooked for years.

[hal9000i]

Originally Posted by todd_cheese

Wow, lots of comments about my little story. Thanks, everyone.

Age regression seems to require a bit more suspension of disbelief than other humiliation-themed stories.

That's a fair criticism, as my trend has always been to slowly erode her old life, and ensure that everything is stacked against her. It's part of the whole humiliation thing. If you have any suggestions for how I might give her a bit of a break without compromising that, let me know. I have used other readers' suggestions before, and while the major beats are pretty much set in stone at this point, there's still some room for an extra scene or two.

Anyway, glad to see there are still people discovering the story. Now to find time to finish Part 7...

I realize I am coming late to the party but I'd like to add a few comments--

With regards to believability: The author creates the world in which his or her characters inhabit. We as readers don't get to decide the rules of that world.

The author sets the parameters and ground rules, and as long as these are kept in the story, the reader can suspend disbelief.

For example, in "Keilani's Long Vacation" (KLV) the story setting is the "real world". That's the construct the author has created through 6 parts. Now if the main character of Keilani suddenly developed super powers, that would completely take the audience out of the story and ruin the construct. It would be mixing formats, and destroy the suspension of disbelief.

Within the construct, the story works for me-- an example were I suspend disbelief is that a simple background check by the police on her Keilani's name and address would bring up her valid driver's license. The same thing could be said of her records at the university.

The are other examples of suspended disbelief, but I simply accept his world as presented and enjoy his excellent story.

With regards to plot:

I believe where the story really shines is Keilani's interactions with her "adult" friends and (former) adult world.

Humiliation wise, there is something to be said for being taken for, and being treated as, a child by other adults who are strangers.

However, to be seen acting like, and then treated as, a child by people who knew you as an adult
has to be the pen ultimate humiliation. Especially if it takes place in locations where you interacted with them as an adult (i.e. the college scene in "KLV part 6").

To date in "KLV", we have been witness to several scenes that depict the slow transformation of Keilani to a child in the eyes of her friends.

The first is the "Beach" scene, where Keilani is seen wearing a baby swimsuit, under the firm control of the Sisters, and being teased and taunted by another child. Her grown up friends do not know what to make of this.

The next time her friends see her is at the orphanage, dressed as a child in a little school girl outfit. Her friends are taken aback, astounded at her predicament and even more so at her behavior. She has a tantrum and starts screaming like a little girl. In their eyes there is now a question of whether or not she's capable of resuming her "adult" life.

The final time to date in the story is where Keilani see's her friends at the college. They are surprised to see her-- as if she really doesn't belong on the campus anymore. Worse, they treat her as little more than a little girl. This results in another round of childish behavior and Keilani is spanked in a room full of her (former) peers.

Given these incidents, it seem plain that Keilani is no longer an equal in her friends eyes. It's deliciously humiliating when her grown up friends treat and taunt her like a naughty little girl.

As I've said, this is where the story really shines, at least to me.

I would hope that future installments include other like scenes. Idea's could be that Keilani escapes again and finds out that her friends are out at a frat party (with Kahoku in attendence) and she shows up, still dressed as school girl. It would seem to me that by this point, Keilani's friends would be reluctant to help her, believing that she's now incapable of being an adult or even wearing grown up clothes anymore.

Keilani could also returns to where she used to work with her friends in tow to try to get back up for her story and is spanked, etc. in front of former co-workers by her former boss. After all, she did cost him a lot of business.

There also seems to be a court appearance coming up in the future and that could provide another opportunity to interact with her adult friends.

As for "a ray of hope" there could be an interlude where Keilani again escapes and finds grown up clothes, interacts with her former adult world, yet is once again spanked and dressed as a little girl in front of her former peers before being dragged off screaming as a little girl.

This is a great story, very well written and the author should be commended. Truly first rate work. I eagerly look forward to the next chapter and hope its not too long in coming.

Hal

[hal9000i]

Originally Posted by hal9000i

I realize I am coming late to the party but I'd like to add a few comments--


I would hope that future installments include other like scenes. Idea's could be that Keilani escapes again and finds out that her friends are out at a frat party (with Kahoku in attendence) and she shows up, still dressed as school girl. It would seem to me that by this point, Keilani's friends would be reluctant to help her, believing that she's now incapable of being an adult or even wearing grown up clothes anymore.

Keilani could also returns to where she used to work with her friends in tow to try to get back up for her story and is spanked, etc. in front of former co-workers by her former boss. After all, she did cost him a lot of business.



Hal

After thinking on it, perhaps a better idea would be to have Keilani escape at night, wearing just her sleeper and diaper, then finding her way to the frat party, etc.

Hal

[todd_cheese]

Hi Hal, thanks for posting. Right now Part 7 is about 90% complete, and I am very hopeful I will be able to share it with everyone before the end of the year. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I can say it will feature a couple of scenes of Keilani's friends seeing her in new embarrassing predicaments. It's definitely the longest chapter so far.

Part 8 will be the final chapter, since I really don't want this to be one of those stories that goes on forever, even though it conceivably could. I've seen other long-running series (won't name names) that started out great but went on for so many chapters that they started to get a bit stale.

With this story I try really hard to make each episode feel unique, aside from the formula of Keilani gets treated like a little girl, so Keilani acts up like a little girl, so Keilani gets spanked. I've shown her escaping and getting humiliated as a little girl in front of her college peers, so I'm reluctant to do it again, even though I like the frat party idea. Each episode builds on the previous one, and I've known for quite awhile how I'd like it to end.

Thanks for the kind words, and for bearing with me. I know I'm a pitifully slow writer, but Part 7 is definitely coming soon.

[hal9000i]

Originally Posted by todd_cheese

Hi Hal, thanks for posting. Right now Part 7 is about 90% complete, and I am very hopeful I will be able to share it with everyone before the end of the year. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I can say it will feature a couple of scenes of Keilani's friends seeing her in new embarrassing predicaments. It's definitely the longest chapter so far.


Thanks for the kind words, and for bearing with me. I know I'm a pitifully slow writer, but Part 7 is definitely coming soon.

Thanks Todd-- really looking forward to part 7.

I can't wait to see what you have in store for Keilani. As for the ending the story in part 8, I respect your decision. As the author and creator, you will know best when the story reaches its natural conclusion.

Regards,

Hal

[todd_cheese]

Part 7 is now posted on my story site (link in sig). Please enjoy... assuming you liked the first six.

Happy New Year, or belated Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / Winter Solstice / Festivus / The Stupid Mayans Were Wrong.

[hal9000i]

Todd, what can I say? very well done!

Hal

[Dasii010]

I just wanted to say that I love Keilani's Long Vacation, it is truly one of my most favorite stories. AR or otherwise. I first read it years ago when you posted Chapter 1 and I have been hooked ever since.

I really loved Chapter 7. You build up your scenes in just such a way that they are both believable and incredibly exciting. The Hawaiian setting and language additions really add a touch of detail that many other stories lack; very good world building. And the way that you can find a realistic scenario to lead Keilani to yet another spanking, by someone who knows who she really is, and believably become so angry and frustrated as to try to escape again, is simply amazing to me!

I'm a bit sad to think that only one chapter is left, but also very excited and anxious! I shiver to think how long I might have to wait though...

I actually think I might know how it will end, but even if I have guessed correctly, it'll be a fun ride. You handle humiliating scenes with considerable skill. Keilani's Long Vacation has partially inspired an AR story of my own, and in the course of writing it, I have grown even more appreciative of your talents.

Thank you again for your tale. I anxiously await chapter 8. Don't take too long to complete it this time, pretty, pretty please? :-) I don't know if I can handle waiting another several months to read the thrilling conclusion.

- B-Rex, creator of the Degraded Damsels blog, where my own AR stories/captioned images are contained