100 pantyhose pics- part LXXX

[osreb]

100 pantyhose pics turns 80.

Will I Live to see 80?

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.


A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'


He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'


'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'


Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?


'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'


'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'


'No, I don't,' I said.


He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'


'No,' I said


He looked at me and said,.... 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

[osreb]

Love making tips for 80 year old folks

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. .. . . . . . . . . .

[osreb]

Maxine's Senior Health Care Solution

So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison for life. Since I no longer get around that much, being locked up isn't a big deal

There you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

[osreb]

Childbirth at 80

Too good not to pass on, Enjoy !!! Another great one!

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 80-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!

[osreb]

*Beware of Little Old Ladies*

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic
garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills
from that bag." * *"Damn!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go
back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and,
during tailgate parties, lots of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms.
So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one
sticks his thing out, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

[osreb]

This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...

1979: Long hair
2009: Longing for hair

1979: KEG
2009: EKG

1979 : Acid rock
2009: Acid reflux

1979: Moving to California because it's cool
2009: Moving to Arizona because it's warm.w

1979: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2009: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1979: Seeds and stems
2009: Roughage

1979: Hoping for a BMW
2009: Hoping for a BM

1979: Going to a new, hip joint
2009: Receiving a new hip joint

1979: Rolling Stones
2009: Kidney Stones

1979: Screw the system
2009: Upgrade the system

1979: Disco
2009: Costco

1979: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2009: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1979: Passing the drivers' test
2009: Passing the vision test

1979: Whatever
2009: Depends

[osreb]

Three old timers were relating their most exciting experiences.


The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a
shoot-out with Bonnie and Clyde back in his younger days.

The other gents nodded and agreed that, indeed, would have been exciting.


The second, a retired fireman, related the tale of a huge fire at the
university several years back. There were flames, fire trucks from several
area fire departments, but the most exciting part were the naked coeds
jumping from their dorm windows into his arms.

The others gents agreed that had to be a very exciting time.

The third guy, a retired undertaker, started, "One night I got a call to
pick up a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I got there, the
guy had a huge erection. I knew there was no way I could get him through
the lobby like that. So I found an old broom and whacked that erection just
as hard as I could to make it go down." He paused.

The retired fireman asked, "So, how was that exciting?"

The undertaker answered, "Well, you see, I was in the wrong room."

[osreb]

When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
-------------------------------

[osreb]

Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.
---------------------------------
(My favorite)
The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
---------------------------------

[osreb]

A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'..'

***********************


An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son;
Do your best
And just remember,
If it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother
Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife..