The Great Bride Thread

[USAVegas]

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...5&d=1232673152

Please tell me there are more of this chick around. She is laying on a bed at the Aladdin (Planet Hollywood) in Las Vegas. This is part of my quest to collect every female nude photo taken in Southern Nevada.

[osreb]

*_THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN_*

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild,
fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade,
especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of
her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and
desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all
conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't
make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to
meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and
the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst
for spiritual knowledge visit there.


*_THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN_*

Between 12 and 70, a man is like Iran , Ruled by Nuts.

[osreb]

Important Info For Women:

1) Every blowjob you give adds one month to your life.

2) If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five
porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.

3) A hand-job a day keeps arthritis away.

4) Every ten minutes of love-making is equivalent to thirty minutes on
the treadmill.

5) Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.

6) Intercourse prevents divorce.

7) Regular fucking releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of
brain cells.

8) Sex eliminates headaches.

9) Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard".

10) Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your
lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.

[osreb]

A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for
Paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to
The defendant.

"Not Guilty, your honor."

Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds,
"How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we
Have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged
Prostitute right here on tape?"

"Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I
Wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another
'heinous' crime, gambling."

"Gambling?" responds the prosecutor, "How so?"

"Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady
Earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to
Her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me
Tonight. That videotape is just footage of me losing the bet!"

[osreb]

and of course...

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve
Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The
taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab,
my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for
the night. So,she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as
we drove away. 'That stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke
her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to takeoff, so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw
her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car

[osreb]

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
Distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
And jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
As Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
Programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
System.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but
To no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2
And do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
Automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
Default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the
Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all
Your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
And cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
Additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

[jbellen]

Originally Posted by osreb

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's just about perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her behind look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....
---- -------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

Just a variation of the Miller thingy above

[altaccount2000]

just one

[RobertM]

There is something about a wedding, mainly all he stuff the goes on prior to it. Put the dress on, take it off, put it back on. The parties....the girls going out, the guy going out, the party prior to the wedding.

Hope you enjoy the ones I added. The one I like best is the Bad Wifey One.

Don't believe that is her soon to be hubby, just one of his friends

Robert

***** HARDCORE PIC REMOVED *****

[cappytan1]

I have had these for a while and they fit this thread. They arent the greatest quality but I think they are ok.