Our Journey

[RealWithRy]

Originally Posted by nectcouple

Welcome Ry!

I just wanted to weigh in and say that this an awesome beginning to what just might become my favorite thread of all time and I have been a member here for 13 years. Your writing style proves that although you may have met your future husband in english class, you were still paying attention to your lessons! I very much enjoy reading about the emotional and psychological side of things from your perspective as well as that of your husband. Of course, the sexy side of the story is important, too. That's why we're all here, right? Lol!

If you read any of my posts, you will see that although my wife and I are in an unconventional situation too, our story is completely different than yours in that she only has one other sexual partner besides me. He is a friend of mine and we actually met here on OCC long before they became lovers.

I don't want to distract from your thread but I wanted to let you know that I am enjoying your thread very much and I'll be following along as long as you keep adding to it!

Thank you so much for your kind words! Comments like yours honestly mean a lot to both of us.

Your compliment about my writing made me smile. I actually started out studying creative writing before I had to step away from school when my husband got his current job and life took us in a different direction. I didn't get very far in the program, but I always loved writing, so it's incredibly encouraging to hear that people enjoy reading what I put together. My husband's degree is in business, so our educational backgrounds are pretty different, but I think that balance helps us tell our story from two unique perspectives.

I'm also really glad that the emotional and psychological aspects have resonated with you. We wanted this to be more than just the "sexy" parts, those are certainly part of our story, but the conversations, growth, and emotions behind everything are what have made this journey meaningful for us.

And no worries at all about mentioning your own experience! One of the things I enjoy most is seeing how different everyone's journey can be. There isn't just one path, and it's always interesting to hear how other couples have found what works for them.

Thank you again for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment and for following along. Knowing people are enjoying the thread definitely motivates us to keep sharing!

[RealWithRy]

Before I continue sharing stories from our journey, I'd like to talk about something that happened fairly early on that I now look back on as one of our biggest learning experiences. Thankfully, it has a happy ending, but it easily could have gone differently. It's one of those moments that helped shape many of the rules and safety practices we follow today.

At that point, we were still fairly new to the lifestyle. We were excited, curious, and admittedly a little naive. We had been fortunate enough to have mostly positive experiences, so I think we were beginning to believe that everyone we met had good intentions. Looking back now, I realize we were relying on luck more than good judgment.

I had gotten to know a man through the lifestyle. We had talked enough that I felt comfortable around him, but in reality, I didn't know him nearly as well as I convinced myself I did. One evening he invited me to take the bus into the city with him to spend the night at a friend of his apartment. It sounded like an adventure, and after talking it over with my husband, we decided to give it a try.

The apartment itself was very nice, and everyone I met was friendly and welcoming. As the evening went on, though, I realized there were a lot more people coming and going than I had expected. Over the course of the night, I met around 20 different men. I was intimate with 8 of them, while the others were simply socializing, stopping by, or hanging out with the group.

What stood out to me far more than the number of people was the atmosphere in the apartment. It was a group of bachelors who all seemed to have an unspoken understanding that they could simply walk into any room without knocking. People would open the bedroom door, step inside, say hello, continue conversations, or just pass through as if it were completely normal.

At the time, I didn't think much of it because everyone was polite and respectful. I remember lying in bed wearing only a lingerie top, chatting with people as they came and went. It all felt surprisingly casual in the moment.

Looking back now, though, I see it very differently.

I was in a strange city, a good distance from home, surrounded by people I barely knew. I had placed an incredible amount of trust in someone I had only known for a short time. Every time the bedroom door opened, I had no idea who was about to walk through it. While nothing inappropriate happened, I was in an extremely vulnerable position, and I hadn't fully appreciated that until much later.

Around three in the morning I finally drifted off to sleep. When I woke up around five, there were a couple of men in the room that I hadn't even met earlier in the evening. They simply looked over, smiled, said "Hi," and continued talking among themselves. They weren't threatening or disrespectful in any way, but waking up in an unfamiliar apartment with strangers in the room was unsettling. That was probably the first moment when I thought to myself, What if this hadn't been a room full of decent people?

To make matters more complicated, the friend I'd traveled with had ended up drinking far too much and wasn't in any condition to get us home. I called my husband, explained what had happened, and, without a second thought, he got in the car and came to pick me up.

When we finally got home, we both slept for a few hours. Later that morning we sat down together and talked about everything. We both came to the same conclusion: nothing bad had happened, but we had taken an unnecessary risk.

That conversation changed the way we approached the lifestyle. We realized there is a big difference between trusting someone and truly knowing someone. We also learned that having a backup plan, maintaining communication, and making sure I'm in an environment where I genuinely feel safe are just as important as trust itself.

Thankfully, this story ends as a lesson instead of a tragedy. It could have gone much differently, and I'm grateful it didn't. Looking back, I don't regret learning from the experience, but I absolutely wouldn't make the same decision today. Sometimes the most valuable stories aren't the exciting ones, they're the ones that teach you how to do better going forward.

There was one more unexpected outcome from that night that ultimately became an absolute joy for our family. That evening ended up resulting in me becoming pregnant, and we later welcomed another child into our lives. While I still look back on some of the decisions we made that night as poor ones from a safety standpoint, I've never viewed our child that way. If anything, it's a reminder that sometimes good things can come from situations that also teach us difficult lessons. I can be grateful for the wonderful addition to our family while also acknowledging that we could have handled the circumstances much more responsibly. Those two feelings aren't contradictory, they've simply become part of the same story.

[RealWithRy]

By 2019, our family looked a little different than it had when this journey first began. I was 25, my husband was 26, and life had settled into a rhythm that revolved around work, parenting, and two little ones. Our oldest was three years old, and our second child, who came from one of the most unexpected nights of our lives when we learned a valuable lesson about my safety, had just celebrated a first birthday.

Looking back, it's amazing how much our priorities had changed. We weren't just a young married couple figuring out an unconventional lifestyle anymore. We were parents first. Every decision had to fit around daycare schedules, nap times, work obligations, and making sure our children always came first.

By then, we had also started realizing something else. While we'd met plenty of nice people over the years, what we really wanted wasn't a long list of casual encounters. We wanted consistency. We wanted someone who could become a trusted friend. Someone who respected our marriage as much as we did.

We hadn't found that person yet.

People often ask what our "type" was. Physically, I've always found black men especially attractive, but that was never a requirement. Attraction is important, but character mattered so much more. Neither of us was looking for someone with a certain job, a certain income, or a certain appearance. We wanted someone who was kind, respectful, patient, communicative, and compassionate. Someone who understood that our marriage always came first and who genuinely cared about building trust over time rather than chasing excitement for a single evening.

As it turned out, finding someone with those qualities was much harder than we expected.

One morning, while my husband was away on a work trip, I decided to grab a latte from our neighborhood coffee shop before running errands. The kids were with the babysitter, and for once I had a quiet morning to myself.

I had quite literally rolled out of bed.

My hair wasn't done, I wasn't wearing makeup, I had thrown on comfortable clothes, and in my rush out the door I hadn't even put my wedding ring back on after getting ready. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. In fact, I probably looked like every other tired mom grabbing caffeine before starting her day.

While I was waiting for my drink, a young man struck up a conversation with me.

Come to find out he was 21.

Normally I wouldn't have expected much beyond casual small talk, but before I knew it he was flirting and eventually asked for my phone number.

The funny part is that I didn't even think about how unusual that was. My first thought wasn't, "I should tell him I'm married." My first thought was simply surprise that someone had approached me at all. I hadn't walked into that coffee shop expecting any attention.

I had errands to run, so we exchanged numbers, wished each other a good day, and I headed on my way.

Over the next few days we texted back and forth. Once we established that there was mutual interest, I explained our situation honestly. I told him I was happily married, explained our lifestyle, and outlined some of the boundaries that mattered most to us. To my surprise, he didn't seem bothered by any of it. He asked thoughtful questions, was respectful, and eventually said he'd like to meet both of us. We all had a phone call together where we discussed everything and we all seemed to hit it off.

Since my husband had Thursday off that week, we invited him over that morning after dropping the kids off at daycare.

Daycare started at seven, and we asked him to come by around nine.

Nine o'clock came and went.

Then nine-fifteen.

Then nine-thirty.

At that point I had pretty much convinced myself we'd been stood up.

My husband, who has always been the calmer one between us, kept reassuring me that maybe he was just running late.

A few minutes later, we hear a car pull into the driveway.

He had come after all.

From the moment he walked through the door, though, something felt...off.

Not bad.

Just awkward.

Looking back, I think all three of us were trying too hard. The conversation felt rehearsed, everyone seemed nervous, and instead of things unfolding naturally, it felt like each of us was wondering what we were supposed to say next.

Sometimes chemistry simply isn't something you can force.

When he finally knocked on the door, I answered looking completely different from the woman he'd met at the coffee shop a few days earlier. That morning at the cafe I'd been makeup-free, wearing casual clothes, with my hair thrown together after practically rolling out of bed. This time, I'd taken the time to get ready. My hair and makeup were done, and I'd changed into lingerie because I wanted us both to make a good first impression and help him feel welcome.

Even so, almost immediately I could tell he was nervous. I'm the kind of person who naturally feeds off the energy of the people around me. When someone is relaxed and conversational, I relax too. But when someone is quiet, reserved, or visibly anxious, I tend to mirror that energy without even realizing it. The conversation felt a little forced, and instead of everyone settling into an easy rhythm, there was an awkwardness that none of us seemed able to shake. Looking back now, I think he was probably just intimidated and understandably nervous meeting a married couple for the first time. In hindsight, I also think we could have been better hosts. We were so focused on wondering whether he was comfortable that we forgot to simply slow down, chat over a cup of coffee, and let everyone get to know each other before expecting things to feel natural.

Anyway, I motioned for him to come sit down on the couch with me. I told him to make himself comfortable. My husband brought him a cup of coffee. He kicked his shoes off and sat there for a few minutes in silence. He didn't say much but eventually I put my hand on his chest and he starts to loosen up. We began kissing but even that felt forced. I had to end up making the first move by slipping my hand in his shorts. That's when I realized he was enjoying it because he was rock hard. He just didn't show it in his demeanor very well. I started stroking it with my hand and he slid his shorts and boxers off. I spread his legs and plant myself in between them and start sucking him off. Of course he is enjoying it but what guy doesn't? I gave him my absolute best head that I knew how to give and he managed to stay hard through it. Next, I get on the couch and spread my legs and told him to come here. I almost had to instruct him on what to do next. Maybe it's because he was a younger guy, but he only lasted maybe 5 minutes. I could tell when he was about to climax and I pulled him close and let him give me a creampie (I'm quite fond of those, LOL) and I don't think he was keen on the idea. I told him I was on birth control and it became less of an issue. It just felt quiet and awkward. At one point my husband got up to start breakfast. I helped him finish breakfast and our friend acted in a hurry to leave. We had to convince him to take a plate of food to go.

I had wondered if we did anything wrong for quite sometime after that and still sometimes wonder.

Afterward, my husband and I both agreed that the connection just wasn't there. There was nothing wrong with him as a person. In fact, he was polite and respectful throughout the entire visit. But there wasn't the easy conversation, laughter, or comfort we'd experienced with older partners. In my own experience, I've generally found it easier to connect with men who have a little more life experience. Age isn't everything, but in this case I think the difference showed.

Over the next few weeks our conversations gradually became less frequent until they eventually stopped altogether. There wasn't any argument or dramatic ending. Life simply moved on.

Even though that meeting didn't turn into what we'd hoped, it reinforced what we were actually searching for.

We didn't just want someone we were attracted to.

We wanted someone who felt like they belonged in our lives, a genuine friend who respected our marriage, cared about our family, communicated openly, and wanted to build trust over time. I'm not saying there is never a time for a wild sex night where we go crazy, but our long term partner was very beneficial to our wife sharing lifestyle, and helped me feel confident and make it easier on me to be more adventurous.

Eventually, we would find someone like that.

In fact, that relationship would become such an important part of our lives that it eventually led to another chapter in our family's story.

But that's a story for another day.

[arnoldziffel]

Your account of your transition from 'normal' married life together to a (more normal that some might think) wife sharing lifestyle, is a most compelling read. Well done on your writing style and thank you for sharing your experience - so far - with us.

As a person who has been married to the same person for over 30 years, I think I understand the courage needed to take the steps you have. Your account suggests that you understood that , i.e. by venturing outside your marriage for another male sex partner, the risk of damaging what had previously been a strong relationship, was huge. Trust in any good relationship is vital and you obviously had trust in each other. I may be wrong but it seems that ( in suggesting you have sex with other men) your husband knew you better than you knew yourself. In saying that, I am conscious of the strain childbirth causes in a woman's body and how tiredness related to the day-to-day rearing of children can push your libido to one side. You simply might not have had the energy to have even considered extra-marital as a possibility.

What I'm wondering is why it was that you agreed to your husbands proposition? Was there something lacking (excitement intensity/technique/his size/porn induced interracial sex taboos?) or was it a case that, if I can use this analogy, your husband knew you liked eating apples but knew there were so many different varieties to choose from. He gave you the opportunity experience them while he would take enjoyment from watching yours?

Also, while I don't want to rush your story telling, I wonder if you have confided about your adventures in any female friends or colleagues (assuming you work outside the massive task of rearing three young ones at home). If so, what was their reaction?

If all of the queries above are to be answered in due course, that's fine by me. I'm hapy to wait and enjoy your ....apologies for the use of this word.....journey.

[RealWithRy]

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. You've touched on several things that I've reflected on myself over the years.

I think you're absolutely right that trust was the cornerstone of everything we did. Without that foundation, I don't believe this journey would have lasted very long. Before we ever acted on anything, we spent countless evenings talking through every "what if" we could think of. We knew there were risks, and we wanted to be certain we were choosing this together rather than being swept up in the excitement of something new.

I also found your observation that my husband may have known me better than I knew myself really interesting. Looking back, there may be some truth to that. Before he ever brought up the idea, it honestly wasn't something I had considered. I wasn't secretly wishing for another partner or feeling that something was missing. I was happy being his wife and raising our child.

At that stage of life, we also had a very young child,and anyone who's been through those years knows how demanding they can be. Pregnancy, childbirth, sleepless nights, and the everyday responsibilities of motherhood have a way of consuming your energy. Exploring an unconventional lifestyle simply wasn't something that occupied my thoughts.

One thing that helped us tremendously, both then and now, is that I haven't had to work outside the home very much. That has allowed me to focus on our family and given us the flexibility to spend quality time together instead of constantly trying to juggle two demanding work schedules. I truly believe that extra time at home has strengthened our communication and our marriage. We were able to have the long conversations, regular check-ins, and honest discussions that a lifestyle like this really requires.

Looking back, I think my husband recognized parts of my personality that I hadn't fully appreciated myself. He knew I enjoyed meeting people, that I tend to connect with others easily, and that I'm naturally curious. He wasn't trying to fix something that was missing in me or in our marriage. He simply saw an opportunity for us to explore something together that we both might enjoy.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little hesitant at first. I was shy, a little reserved, and definitely more of a "good girl" than someone who would have ever imagined living this kind of life. But something changed as the years went on. The more experiences I had, the more confident I became, not just sexually, but as a woman. I found myself looking forward to the anticipation, the butterflies before meeting someone new, and the excitement of sharing those moments with my husband afterward. What began as nervous curiosity gradually turned into a genuine desire to explore. The thrill of the unknown, the chemistry with different personalities, and the freedom to embrace that side of myself became something I truly enjoyed. Looking back, I don't think the lifestyle changed who I was, it simply gave me permission to discover a side of myself that had been quietly waiting to emerge.

[RealWithRy]

One of the most memorable couples we ever met came into our lives in a completely unexpected way.

Ironically, we were introduced through the same friend I'd taken the bus into the city with years earlier. Although I look back on that particular experience as one of our biggest lessons, it did lead to a handful of genuine friendships, and one of those friendships eventually introduced us to this wonderful couple.

One afternoon, I received a text from him asking if I would be interested in meeting a couple. I actually laughed out loud because I thought he had to be joking. Up until then, nearly all of our experiences had involved single men. Meeting another married couple wasn't something we'd ever really considered.

He quickly assured me he was serious.

He explained that they were in their fifties and wanted to do something unforgettable for her husband as a surprise for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. According to him, her husband had mentioned the idea of opening their marriage over the years, but the two of them had never actually acted on those conversations. She wanted to give him an anniversary gift he'd never expect.

He passed along her phone number, and before long we were texting.

Her name was Jill and what I appreciated immediately was how thoughtful she was. Our conversations weren't rushed, and they weren't focused on logistics alone. We talked about our marriages, our families, our expectations, and the kind of people we all were outside of the lifestyle. It felt less like planning an encounter and more like getting to know someone I could genuinely become friends with.

Before inviting them to our house, the three of us (my husband, myself, and Jill) decided to meet for coffee. Her husband, John, wasn't there because she wanted every detail to remain a complete surprise. Sitting across from her in that coffee shop, I remember thinking how warm and easy she was to talk to. Conversation flowed effortlessly, and my husband felt exactly the same way. By the time we finished our drinks, we all agreed that regardless of what happened next, we genuinely liked each other as people.

A few days later, we arranged for them to come to our house on a weekday morning while our kids were safely at daycare. Everything had been planned carefully so the surprise wouldn't be spoiled.

The best part was that her husband still had absolutely no idea why they were making the drive.

When they pulled into the driveway, I remember feeling almost as excited as she was. She had spent weeks planning this special anniversary surprise, and we were all hoping it would be something he'd remember fondly.

When I opened the front door, his reaction was priceless. There i was standing there in my bra and underwear. I had my hair freshly styled and my make up was looking fresh. After all, an anniversary gift has to be perfect right?

For a few seconds he simply stood there looking completely confused as he tried to process what was happening. Then he looked at his wife, then back at us, and slowly a huge smile spread across his face. You could almost see the realization settling in that this was the anniversary surprise she'd been secretly planning all along.

Because this was such a personal gift from his wife, we wanted him to feel completely comfortable from the very beginning. We explained that my husband was perfectly happy to stay if that made everyone feel more at ease, but we were equally comfortable giving the two of them more privacy if that was what he preferred. We made it clear there was no right or wrong answer.

After thinking about it for a moment, he smiled and politely said he appreciated the offer but thought he'd be more relaxed if it were just the three of us. My husband completely respected that choice, wished everyone a happy anniversary, and headed out to spend a few hours with one of his friends.

As soon as my husband left, I had pulled John to the bedroom where Jill followed close behind. We began to discuss the logistics of our time together. I told them that I was totally into oral sex and would let him have sex with me in any position he was comfortable. I told them that I was on birth control so that was no problem. Jill stopped me mid sentence and told me that her husband had gotten snipped years ago. That made me feel better. I also told them one thing I wouldn't do was anal. John sort of seemed disappointed, so me in my people pleasing fashion talked to him about it and told him I had never done it but would be willing to try since they were great people.

I started off going down on him like usual and at one point glanced back at Jill where she was smiling because her husband was genuinely enjoying himself.

What position do you prefer? I asked him..

He replied with missionary, so I laid on my back and let him in between my legs. This guy wasn't the biggest I had up to that point but he knew how to use it. It was a great experience for us both. After a few minutes of that I asked him if he wanted me to turn over.

He said no because he liked looking at my boobs, and asked if he could put a pillow under my lower back. I grabbed a pillow and complied, and it gives him access to my butt. I tell him to grab the lube we had in the drawer and use lots and ease it in. He started with his finger then went to two. It was hard for me to relax at first, but once I got relaxed it went a lot smoother. Finally he pushed his rod in and maintained a steady pace until just before he climaxed. He asked if he wanted me to pull out, I quickly said it's up to you. Then he released in my butt. That wasn't near as bad as I had initially expected. We end up cuddling and having a make out session, before we had sex a couple more times. Jill never joined in, she just watched her husband enjoy himself.

Looking back, this experience stands out for another reason entirely. Up to that point in our journey, there were still a few personal boundaries I hadn't crossed. I had always assumed that if I ever became comfortable enough to explore beyond those boundaries, it would happen with my husband right there beside me. Instead, one of those milestones happened on a day that was never supposed to be about me at all, it was meant to be a special anniversary surprise for another couple.

The irony wasn't lost on either of us. When I told my husband about it afterward, I almost expected him to be disappointed that he hadn't been there to share in that moment with me. Instead, his reaction was exactly what I'd come to love about him. He wasn't focused on what he'd missed. He was simply glad I'd felt safe, respected, and comfortable enough to make that decision for myself. That response reminded me, once again, why our marriage had always come first. We trusted each other enough that even unexpected moments like that became opportunities to strengthen our relationship rather than weaken it.

Looking back, what I remember most wasn't the surprise itself but the way they looked at one another. Even after twenty-five years of marriage, they were still trying to make each other smile, still communicating openly, and still willing to step outside their comfort zones together. There was something genuinely sweet about watching a couple continue to invest in one another after so many years.

Over the years, Jill and I have stayed in touch. We still exchange messages every now and then, check in on each other's families, and we've arranged to get together a handful of times since. Because they live several hours away, it was never practical to develop the kind of ongoing friendship we were hoping to find with a long-term local partner, but distance never changed the fact that they were wonderful people.

[RealWithRy]

This one starts with a couple hard moments but it ends with something amazing.

There are moments in life that force you to hit the reset button, whether you're ready or not.

This was one of those moments.

Because of my husband's career, we were transferred to a completely different part of the state. Overnight it felt like our lives had been packed into cardboard boxes. We gave up the little rental house that had been home to so many memories, loaded everything we owned into a moving truck, and started over in a town where we didn't know a single person.

At the time, I was in my mid-twenties, my husband was a year older, and we had two young children to think about. Our oldest was old enough to understand that we were moving. Our youngest, still a toddler, was blissfully unaware that everything familiar was about to disappear.

Leaving wasn't easy.

We weren't just leaving a house, we were leaving our support system.

Most of the people I'd met throughout our journey had come through mutual friends or introductions. Looking back, I'd estimate that by then I'd slept with around thirty different men over several years and probably met double that. Surprisingly, very few had come from online sites. Most had been referrals from people we already trusted, which naturally made us feel more comfortable.

Now those connections were hours away and we found ourselves back at square one.

Neither of us particularly enjoyed meeting strangers online. It's difficult to judge someone's character through a profile and a few messages. We'd always preferred getting to know people naturally, unfortunately, in a brand-new town, we didn't have much of a choice.

There was one bright spot, though. Three blocks from our apartment was a little independently owned coffee shop. Next door was a neighborhood bar. It quickly became part of our routine.

Some mornings I'd walk over for a latte while the kids were at daycare. Other evenings, if my husband was home with the kids or they were already asleep, I'd stop into the bar for a drink and simply enjoy being around people.

One evening I decided to go by myself.

Over the years I'd learned something interesting: men were much more likely to start a conversation if I was alone than if my husband was sitting beside me.

Sure enough, it didn't take long. A man walked over, introduced himself, and before I knew it we'd been talking for nearly half an hour. The conversation flowed easily.

We joked back and forth, talked about the area, laughed about how neither of us had originally been from there, and I remember thinking how refreshing it was to have such a normal conversation after the stress of moving.

For the first time since we'd arrived, I felt hopeful. Maybe meeting people here wouldn't be so difficult after all. As our conversation wrapped up, we started reaching for our phones to exchange numbers. That's when everything changed.

He turned back toward the table where several of his friends had been watching us.

With a grin, loud enough for me to hear, he said,

"See? I told you cows are easy."

The words hit me like a punch in the stomach.

For a second I honestly wondered if I'd misunderstood him.

Then his friends laughed.

I quietly put my phone back into my purse, turned around, and walked out. I don't remember much about the drive home. I do remember crying.

Not because a stranger didn't find me attractive, that wasn't it. It was the cruelty.

I'd always struggled with my weight, and although I'd grown much more confident over the years, comments like that have a way of reopening old wounds you thought had healed.

When I got home, my husband immediately knew something was wrong. I told him what had happened, and he wrapped me in a hug before I could even finish the story. He spent the rest of the evening reminding me that one insensitive person didn't define my worth. I needed to hear that. Eventually I believed it again.

Over the next couple of months we had a few meetings through online sites. Nothing memorable. Nothing that developed into friendships. In that time I probably had sex with five men. Nothing special, just one time hookups. Brief encounters with people who were looking for something entirely different than what we hoped to find. Don't get me wrong, I've never had bad sex, but I was missing that connection that I had in other relationships.

One of those guys was phenomenal. I didn't measure him but he had to have been the biggest guy I had ever been with. Decent length and amazing girth. A guy in his early 30's with a ton of energy and stamina. I bet he f***** me at a decent pace for 45 minutes. Probably one of the biggest loads I had ever felt as well. The sex was great but there wasn't much of a connection. He was very polite and thanked us for the good time. As soon as he finished he put his jeans back on and went and shook my husband's hand. "Your wife has hella good p***y!" He told my husband as he walked out the door. I texted him later that night and told him that it had been the best sex I had in a while. We texted off and on after that but life happened and we just kind of grew apart. Now that I'm thinking about it, I should text him and see what he is doing this weekend. LOL!

Then one afternoon, I'd arranged to meet someone from one of the websites at the coffee shop. Public places had always been our preference for first meetings. It was usually busy so I felt comfortable meeting him by myself.

Within minutes, I knew it wasn't going well. He looked at me, frowned, and told me I didn't look like my pictures. The comment caught me completely off guard because every picture I'd shared showed me. Some were flattering and some not so much. I'd been completely honest about my height, my weight, and everything else he'd asked.

Before I could even respond, he muttered a few more unkind remarks, stood up, and walked out. I just sat there, embarrassed. As I gathered my things, one of the regular customers, an older man I'd seen in the shop several times before, walked over.

He'd clearly noticed the exchange. Without prying, he simply asked if I was okay. I appreciated that. He wasn't nosy. He wasn't trying to insert himself into the situation. He was just...kind. We talked for a while. Nothing life-changing. Just an easy, genuine conversation.

When I got home, I told my husband about him. Not the rude man who'd stormed out.The regular. The one who had shown compassion when he didn't have to.

My husband smiled.

"I think we should try to find him."

That evening, after putting the kids to bed, my husband and I sat down at our kitchen table and wrote him a letter together. We wanted to be upfront about who we were while also explaining what he'd witnessed that morning. We introduced ourselves properly, shared a little about our family and how we'd recently relocated for my husband's job, and explained that we were a happily married couple who actively participated in the wife-sharing lifestyle. We emphasized that everything we did was built on honesty, mutual consent, and communication, and that there was never any secrecy between us. We also explained that the man he'd seen us meeting at the coffee shop had been someone we'd connected with online, but unfortunately the meeting hadn't gone as we'd hoped. More than anything, we wanted him to know how much his simple act of kindness had meant to us. In a town where we barely knew anyone, he'd taken a moment to ask if two complete strangers were okay, and that spoke volumes about his character. We ended the letter by saying that if he ever wanted to ask questions, grab a cup of coffee, or simply get to know us better, we'd enjoy the opportunity. At the bottom, we wrote my phone number, folded the letter into an envelope, and hoped for the*best.

We hoped to deliver the letter the next time we saw him in there. Sure enough that next day we went in there he was sitting at a table all by himself.

My husband walked over, introduced himself, handed him the envelope, wished him a good day, and quietly left without expecting anything in return.

We climbed back into the car wondering if we'd ever hear from him. Less than an hour later, my phone buzzed. It was him!

Little did I know, that simple text that red "Hello, It's Tom from the coffee shop." would be the beginning of our longest running relationship that we would ever have.

"Hey Tom! My name is Ry. I'm guessing you read my letter?"

"I did, and to be honest, I'm quite fascinated. Can you tell me more?"

I called him that evening.

We ended up talking for well over an hour.

The conversation never felt awkward. Tom was genuinely curious, not judgmental, not sensationalizing it, just interested in understanding how a marriage like ours actually worked. He asked thoughtful questions about trust, communication, boundaries, and how we'd arrived at this point in our lives. Every answer seemed to lead to another question.

By the end of the conversation, I realized we'd spent more time talking about marriage than we had about the lifestyle itself.

That impressed me.

Over the next week, the three of us exchanged more texts and phone calls.

Slowly, we learned Tom's story.

He was in his early fifties, nearly twice my age, and carried himself with a quiet confidence that only comes with experience. He'd been married for many years before divorcing amicably after his children had grown and started families of their own. His kids were adults now, and he was enjoying a slower pace of life. He wasn't interested in casual dating or bar hopping. He spent his mornings reading at the coffee shop, enjoyed woodworking in his garage, and had the kind of easygoing personality that immediately put people at ease.

It didn't take long for my husband and me to notice something we'd been missing since moving.

Maturity.

One of the biggest frustrations we'd had in our new town was that nearly everyone we met online seemed to be much younger than us and interested only in quick, casual encounters. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with that, it just wasn't what we were looking for. We'd always hoped to find someone we genuinely enjoyed spending time with, someone who valued conversation as much as chemistry.

Tom seemed different.

There was no pressure.

No games.

No exaggerated stories.

Just a genuinely kind man who happened to stumble into our lives because he noticed two strangers having a rough morning over coffee.

After several conversations, my husband suggested that instead of continuing to text endlessly, the three of us should simply get together one evening.

"No expectations," he told Tom. "Come over and get to know us better. If nothing else, we'll have a good conversation."

Tom agreed.

As I set the table and straightened up the apartment that evening, I remember thinking that, for the first time since we'd moved, it finally felt like we might have found the kind of person we'd been hoping to meet all along.

When he arrived, he was exactly as we'd come to know him over the phone, punctual, polite, and carrying a small bottle of red wine as a thank you for inviting him over.

My husband and I exchanged a quick glance and laughed.

"Well," my husband said with a grin, "we do have a 'no alcohol' rule..."

Tom immediately apologized and started to put the bottle back in his bag, but my husband stopped him.

"It's okay," he said. "Tonight can be the exception."

Looking back, I think that was one of only a handful of times we ever bent that rule. We had originally made it because we wanted every decision to be made with a clear head. But by then we'd spent enough time talking with Tom that he no longer felt like a stranger. He felt like someone we'd been getting to know for weeks.

We poured three small glasses and settled into the living room.

What followed was one of the easiest evenings I can remember.

We talked about everything except the lifestyle at first.

Tom shared stories about raising his children, what it was like becoming an empty nester, and how different life felt after his divorce. There was no bitterness in the way he spoke about his past—just gratitude for the years he'd had and optimism about whatever came next.

My husband talked about work and the whirlwind of relocating our family. I found myself sharing stories about the kids, adjusting to apartment life, and how difficult it had been leaving behind friends we'd grown close to over the years.

Hours seemed to disappear.

At one point we pulled out a deck of cards and played a few simple games around the kitchen table. There was plenty of playful teasing, friendly competition, and more laughter than any of us expected.

That was something we'd been missing.

We weren't looking for someone who could simply occupy an evening. We wanted someone we genuinely enjoyed being around, someone who could sit at our table, share a meal, laugh with us, and feel like a friend before anything else.

One thing led to another and we ended up heading to our bedroom. My husband sat down in the chair at my vanity and Tom and I sat next to each other on the foot of our bed. Almost instantaneously we ended up making out. Don't ask me how, that's just what happened. Then of course when I get turned on like that I get handsy. Then he got handsy, and next thing I know I'm laying back with a c**k in my mouth and being fingered until completion. That eventually led to me on my knees giving him my best head game. Then he looked me in the eyes and said you know I really like doggy style. I haven't done much of that but at this point I probably would have done anything for this guy. I hop up on the bed and get on all fours and proceed to get the best pounding I've had since my hookup earlier. Tom wasn't quite as big as the other guy but having an emotional attraction as well made it just as good, if not better. The best thing about doggy style that night was I got to look at my husband the whole time. He could tell I was enjoying it. At one point he got up and sat next to me on the bed. He grabbed my hand, kissed it, and whispered "it looks like you are enjoying this." I replied with yes I am thank you babe"

A few minutes later Tom pulled out and came all over my back. When I felt it I turned around and told him that I would have taken a creampie. He politely said, yes but I don't want to get you pregnant. I then explained to him that I was on birth control and even if I wasn't, carrying his baby wouldn't be so bad. All three of us chuckled.

By the end of the evening, things had slowed to a comfortable kind of silence. We were all exhausted, and rather than feeling like strangers who had only recently met, it felt as though we'd spent the evening with an old friend. We decided to call it a night, and before long the apartment was quiet. I drifted off to sleep in my bed between Tom and my husband feeling surprisingly at peace, grateful for how naturally the evening had unfolded and thankful that we'd finally met someone whose kindness matched the impression we'd formed over coffee.

I woke up just after sunrise, long before anyone else. The apartment was still, and the smell of fresh coffee soon filled the kitchen. I quietly made breakfast, wanting everyone to wake up to something warm before the day began. As we sat around the table eating and talking about everything from family to work to the little adventures of starting over in a new town, it struck me how comfortable the atmosphere felt. When Tom gathered his things to leave, we walked him to the door, thanked him for spending the evening with us, and wished him a safe drive home. After he pulled away, my husband and I looked at each other and agreed on one thing: for the first time since moving, it finally felt like we had found someone who might become a genuine friend.