my favs

[bbgapril]

Smell Map who?

[bbgapril]

EWWW your disgusting!

[bbgapril]

So, have you heard any bad jokes lately?

[bbgapril]

Here is some
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties ?
Because there is lots of school spirit !
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party ?
The cat are her !
What do witches eat at Halloween ?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you a ghost ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an unmade bed !"
Another boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you an unmade bed ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an undercover agent !"

[bbgapril]

"Why Does The Ocean Roar?"

"You'd Roar Too If You Had Crabs On Your Bottom!"

[philipmorrisone]

some of my favs

[bbgapril]

For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers

This Halloween I'm going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling a guy he is not the father.

This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interested in swings from a pole and has daddy issues

Dirty Halloween Phrases

-- I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
-- Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
-- She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
-- If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
-- Have someone check the goodies before they go into your mouth.

[bbgapril]

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

[bbgapril]

The guy had invited his girlfriend to attend a Halloween party with him, and he showed up at her door wearing only a pair of roller blades. "Uh, and just what on Earth are you supposed to be?" she asked. "What else?" he replied smiling. "I'm a pull toy!"

[bbgapril]

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: First you have to be single and secondly you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's O.K., my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."