April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun

[osreb]

Because I'm a man,
when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________

Because I'm a man,
when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like steaks, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'tofu' or 'tampons’.
For all I know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.... though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
(former applies mainly to engineers).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either golf, cars,
sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't…
… and if you are feeling amorous afterwards... then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man,
and this is, after all, the year 2012, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like hosing down the patio and wandering
around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do next.
_______________________________________________

[osreb]

Wife text's her husband at work ...

"Windows at home frozen - What should I do?"

Husband - "Spray some de-icer or pour hot water on them"



Wife a few minutes later – "Done that - Now computer won't work at all"!

***** PRO PICS REMOVED *****

[osreb]

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you"

The drunk replies, "Boobs"
__________________

April Fools Thread turns 3 years old today.

Hope it has brought a smile or chuckle to all who visit.

Osreb

***** PRO PIC REMOVED *****

[oztrax]

This is the first thread I come to visit to get a daily dose of good humour spiced with some excellent ladies. Just a great Thread. Keep up the good work Osreb and all your fellow posters.

[basilmchenry]

Great stuff, Reb, Thank you. This thread always brings me a smile

[sooty]

Collingwood is the most hated and loved team in the Australian Football League. Recently they have built a new stadium in Melbourne for training purposes and this photo has been doing the rounds showing off their new retractable roof!

[sooty]

The photo that I uploaded has been changed (No notes why). The photo was of a sporting stadium with an enormous toilet seat and lid as the "retractable roof" sorry have no idea where the search option thing came from (Maybe the moderator is a Collingwood supporter!!).

[Fango]

Originally Posted by sooty

The photo that I uploaded has been changed (No notes why). The photo was of a sporting stadium with an enormous toilet seat and lid as the "retractable roof" sorry have no idea where the search option thing came from (Maybe the moderator is a Collingwood supporter!!).

How was it changed? I don't see a "Last edited by" note underneath your post, so I don't think a Mod did anything to it.

Fango

[sooty]

Originally Posted by BiBiBaby

It's still there boys. 1st picture in post #1150

Very funny it is too!

My computer is going nuts!! (I already am)