sexless marraige changed my view. (I'm happy now)

[kajuk]

I would like to here from others in sexless marriages—how did you handle it?

I followed the advice of my mom and grandmother to marry a "good girl"—a virgin, church-going woman. My first marriage lasted a year and a half, with sex only about 12 times. She had strict religious views—sex had to be in the dark, under covers, missionary only, with all doors locked and curtains drawn in all rooms, even other rooms we were not having sex in. It was a hard rule; she would give me a blowjob. I was considered a bad person because I wanted that. The marriage failed for other reasons, but the lack of sex didn’t help.

My second wife was also a "good girl." We had some premarital sex, but after the wedding, it stopped completely—no sex on our wedding night or honeymoon. We didn't have sex until after we had been married for six weeks. We only had sex six times in nine months before divorcing due to her mental health struggles that didn't show until after we wed.

My third marriage followed the same pattern. A respected, church-going woman— we did have sex before marriage, then almost none after we wed. We had sex about once every six weeks before divorcing due to issues with her kids (drugs and trouble with the law). I am sure the stress from her kids killed her libido. But how she chose to deal with her out-of-control kids only made their behavior worse.

Before and between marriages, I had an active sex life—frequent partners, threesomes, on occasion, I had sex with three women at once. But in every marriage, sex disappeared, and my wives rejected anything beyond vanilla (no oral, anal, or experimenting). I would date a different woman every night of the week and have sex with seven different women in seven days.

After my third divorce, I decided to only date so-called "bad girls"—women with reputations for being sexually open I even dated girls that had posed for adult magazines and strippers and nudists. The difference was night and day. They treated me well, rarely turned me down, and were open to kinks my exes had shamed me for. I dated strippers, nudists, and women others judged—and then I finally found happiness. The bad girls, the skanks, the wh*r*s treated me like a king. I think because I accepted them for who they were. I was never turned down, and if they did because they were on their period, I was offered either a hand-job or a blowjob or even anal.

Now, I’m with a nudist girlfriend who embraces my desires, even bringing other women home for threesomes. I’m treated like a king, with none of the guilt or rejection from before. The type of girl many would call a skank, a wh*r* or a bad girl. I am posting a picture of my bad girl below. I wrote about her here. https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/sho...66&postcount=1

For those in sexless marriages—how did you cope? Did anyone else find happiness by breaking the "good girl" mold?

[Carrie K]

I'm a good girl. I was a virgin when I married. I am devout. I have never had penetrative sex with anyone other than my husband.
We have an active sex life, with lots of oral, and with the lights on.
I'm sorry for your matrimonial disappointments, but whatever the common thread it isn't that good girls are all frigid.

[driftwood3791]

I'm sorry to hear about your past difficulties, kajuk. I married a "good girl", who rather re-defines the term frigid. Although there are exceptions that prove the rule, like Carrie K, who have admirable libidos, my experience mirrors yours. Failing to consummate a marriage for 10 years and refusing a divorce on religious grounds... how does one cope?

Adult forums like OCC have saved my marriage. There's the usual rubbish about communication, doing more housework, keeping fit, seeing a therapist. I've done it all ad nauseam for decades. Nothing helped with coping, nothing help fix the situation, and the only practical support I ever received in a kindly way has been from forums like OCC.

I've met clergical couples on adult forums. Very devout, lovely people. But they are a rarity indeed. I have the greatest admiration for lovely ladies like Carrie K. Unfortunately, I have met very few like her in person.

[rudolfm]

I followed the advice of my mom and grandmother to marry a "good girl"—a virgin, church-going woman.

These are not good women. They selfishly get what they want to lead a happy life, money, a home, kids, maybe even wealth. They deprive their husbands of what they need to lead a happy life, loving sex. And instead of taking responsibility for their greed, they claim god to be responsible for their behavior.

Would you buy a car that never drove, and you could never drive? No way! Anyone would call you an idiot if you buy it and it doesn't drive well.

If a woman likes sex, she will have it, and will already have had it. She won't wait. So if she hasn't had sex, she probably won't want it with you either, except for having kids.

Why do men marry such women?

[Carrie K]

I have the greatest admiration for lovely ladies like Carrie K. Unfortunately, I have met very few like her in person.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your compliment, but if you met someone like me in person you probably wouldn't recognize us anyway. You'd think I was indifferent to you because my attention is on my husband & my family. I'm not flirty, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and no one invites me to a party because I'm no fun. I have to entertain myself with sewing and laundry. Haha

[Curiouscouple2469]

Well after a few longer term relationships married 25 years and partner of 7 years a scattered few couple year all good girls my sex life with them had been pretty damn good - we split for different reason .

Adventures frequent and loving.

My current relationship is the bad girl and sex was incredible for three years - we moved in together and within months sex tanked and not return In Any significant way in 6 years.

So I have a mortgage partner and rapidly dying libido

[wellness]

Sex desire is driven by hormones, if you lose the hormones, it’s very hard to maintain a sex life.
Having sex with someone without a sexual desire is for me is totally uninteresting.

If your wife deliberately punishes you by rejecting sex you have a big problem.

If your wife just can’t get a sexual desire for a natural reason, it’s different.
You can have a caring and loving wife that you have shared all happiness and joy with, but no sex anymore (for good reasons).

Some can get at sex life again by taking hormone medicine.

So, it’s up to you, how is your love and what do you value highest?

[rudolfm]

Women don't lose their hormones right after marriage. They do stop pretending to want sex though.
If you really have a caring and loving wife she won't simply ignore missing sex. She will try to find a solution, including asking doctors. If your wife simpky says "no more sex" and doesn't care about your feelings, you shouldn't care about her anymore.

[driftwood3791]

Originally Posted by Carrie K

Thanks for your compliment, but if you met someone like me in person you probably wouldn't recognize us anyway...

Thanks Carrie K, for clarifying the point I was trying to, but obviously failed to make!

I've found one's "gut feeling" can play a significant part in knowing who's who in that regard. e.g. I once knew a minister's wife who "played it straight" in all regards, but there was a vibe about her that was undeniable. Turns out my instinct was spot on.

[Carrie K]

I didn't mean we're 2 faced closet horndogs, I meant there is a context for my sexuality. I'm comfortable with myself; guys are welcome to politely enjoy the view. I am not going to fuck them.
And I'm a bit puzzled by some guy's expectations.
Hellraisers that live for conquest shouldn't take a partner with polar opposite values and expect marital bliss.
And I'd be surprised if all the frigid women are happy with home and security and no sex. It's true not every person is comfortable with sex. Maybe they were badly advised and think sex is a vice, or maybe they were abused and hide serious traumas; but it could just be such a bad match that they will never meet each other's needs.
My path to confidence wasn't an easy one, that's certain!