[milkman56]

Excerpt:

She awoke to her taking another shower again in the morning. I had no need to get out of bed. I did not have to work. I was sorry she did, but it was nice to get the money.

From the bed I watched her get dress for the day: always the same practical J. C. Penny’s white cotton briefs and bra, the white cotton bobby socks which she would wear with her Penny loafers; simple neat short-sleeved white cotton blouse; a plaid pleated wool skirt. She also put on a light grey cardigan sweater, which she buttoned at the bottom, to fit it snugly about her hips. She admired herself in the mirror and put on her lipstick, a daub of rouge that she rubbed into her cheeks.

As she dressed, seeming now more cheerful than the night before—I wonder now: had she forgotten? Had she forgiven? Why did she not guess what was going to happen? Or did she know?—she explained how she would be working on inventory over the weekend, starting today, and I asked how long she would be working tonight and she said she thought it would not be very long. She kissed me goodbye and took the bus to work.

The pictures Bob showed me and his own graphic descriptions enhanced what I know about this day, but Karen had confessed to me most of it and I had pressed her for details, myself feeling a mixture of shame and sexual excitement at what she told me, just as she confessed doing it. After meeting with Bob, having seen the pictures, hearing his details, I spoke to her again, once last time before I left her for good, and she told me anything else I wanted to know. By then she was emotionally spent and was resigned to my anguish. She looked at me sadly and told me candidly what she did, how she felt, although still she was confused about her feelings and conflicted in emotions. She had been sexually aroused by what she was ashamed to be doing. She had sexually relished her humiliations and coercion. She was submissive but also wanton in her response; she had felt abused but she was also secretly intrigued and sexually craved her relentless sexual stimulation and the rolling orgasms she obtained, such as she had never before experienced. It was, as I have called it before, a sexual intoxication. She was drunk with it the whole day, only dropping from time to time in her exhaustion for a dreamless sleep. She was drunk as well with liquor for much of the time.

Mr. Miller did not tell her what was expected for the day. He had acted like nothing had happened the day before. They never talked about how he had set her up, how she had been anally ****d. He never asked her feelings about it. That was, of course, deliberate. She should submit without complaint. So he never gave her an opportunity to discuss her feelings. I have already said: this is the one thing—or well, the one of two things—which she did not herself confess to me. Even after I found out, and asked her, she did not want to talk about it. She nodded or shook her head to questions I asked. It was Miller’s suggestion that these unseen men were my own friends, peers of our own age and familiar with her, who had done this to her, had seen her naked in that humiliating circumstance, willingly stripped by her boss for them—her dress pulled up over her head—that is what troubled her. It was this shame, which she had wanted to hide from me for my sake. Otherwise, she had nodded to confess that she had gotten sexually stimulated from it, and, yes, had experienced orgasms even then. Her deep and blushing shame was evident. Especially keen for her because she believed these were my own friends, young men whom she knew, whom she had had to our home to watch TV and eat dinner, and whom she now feared had seen her abjectly naked and had shamefully fucked her in her rectum without her resistance. I, as cruelly as Miller, never told her that it was not true.

But as far she knew, that Saturday morning, she had in the space of just a little more than two weeks been seduced by Miller, had given him fellatio day after day, taking his ejaculate into her mouth, had let herself be stripped of her clothing in the presence of several men, had presented herself naked to a stranger, had permitted herself to be fucked by several men repeatedly and had given them fellatio as well, swallowing their ejaculate too, several in a row, and had most recently been naked and humiliated for the pleasure of my own friends, young men who knew her. She was tinder for flame. She was emotionally and sexually raw.