A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.
The therapist responded, "Well, if you want to get the girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"
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Schneider applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job. Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount.
"Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," Schneider replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."
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The prof was telling his early morning class, "I've found that the best way to start the day is to exercise for five minutes, take a deep breath of air, and then finish with a cold shower. Then I feel rosy all over." A sleepy voice from the back of the room said, "Tell us more about Rosy!"
Only in America is it a compliment to be told you're funny as shit.
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