2-22-10
HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Splash a little watered down rusty red paint on the sidewalk.
5. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba, Bertha, Duke,
Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with
the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I
don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter"
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