[osreb]

The priest in a small Irish village loved his chickens that he kept in
the coop behind the church.
One Sunday morning before mass, he went to feed the birds
and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about the cock fights in the village, so he decided to
question his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked his congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All
the men stood up.
"No, no, that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the
women stood up.
"No, no, that wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen a cock that
doesn't belong to them?? Half the women stood up !
"No, no, no, that wasn't what I meant. What I really really mean is,
has anybody seen MY cock?"
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
************************************************** ***
Senior Church Moment

A Preacher is explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation... No one wants him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City, stands up and proclaims,

' If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay

I'll personally double his salary and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays .... I will give him sex!'

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks, 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Sadie's 90- year-old husband, Jake, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies,

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said, "Screw the preacher..."