[osreb]

and of course...

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve
Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The
taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab,
my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for
the night. So,she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as
we drove away. 'That stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke
her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to takeoff, so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw
her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car