[osreb]

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.


SYMPTOM: Drink unusually pale and tasteless
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION Get someone to buy you another drink.

S: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
F: You have fallen over backward.
A: Have yourself leashed to the bar.

S: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
F: You have fallen forward.
A: See above.

S: Floor blurred.
F: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
A: Get someone to buy you another drink.

S: Floor moving.
F: You are being carried out.
A: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

S: Room seems unusually dark.
F: Bar has closed.
A: Confirm home address with bartender.

S: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
F: Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
A: Cover mouth.


S: Drink is crystal-clear.
F: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
A: Punch him.

S: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
F: You've wandered into the wrong party.
A: See if they have free alcohol.

S: Your singing sounds distorted.
F: The drink is too weak.
A: Have more alcohol until your voice improves.

S: Don't remember the words to the song.
F: Drink is just right.
A: Play air guitar.