A deli owner hires this broad who likes to wear really short skirts. One day, a guy walks into the deli, glances at this chick, then glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. 'I'd like some raisin bread, please,' he says. The broad has to climb up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, cos its way up on the very top shelf. The guy, standing right below her, gets treated to one hell of a view up her skirt. What Canadians call 'beaver spottin'. Anyway, as she gets the bread, all these other guys come in and they twig to the situation pretty quick. Pretty soon, everyone is asking for raisin bread, and she's climbing up and down. After a few trips, this broad is starting to get pissed off. She stops at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. 'Is your's raisin too?' she yells.
'No,' croaks the old man. 'But it's startin' to twitch.'"
The audience roared with laughter. And it wasn't just the jokes that made this show really stand out. As the applause died, Tony continued.
"And now it's time to welcome a very special lady, she's the hostess with the mostest, except when it comes to clothes when she's the hostess with the leastest, a big hand for Miss Kitten Magee!"
Kitten whispered to Nicola, "Just come on when you get the cue. And relax! This is *the* most fun show on television." With that she pushed through the curtain. On the monitor, the nervous Nicola saw her emerge on the other side, smiling a little shyly to the madly cheering audience. She raised an arm and waved to them, setting her titanic tits wobbling. Nicola noticed how much Kitten was enjoying herself, as she basked in the glow of male adulation that was being heaped upon her bare boobs. Here was a kindred spirit. Kitten was blowing them kisses now, grinning at her cheering fans. Finally, she demurely trotted over to stand next to Tony.
"That's a real nice outfit you're almost wearing there, Kitten," Tony remarked, with a laugh from the audience.
"Why, thank-you Tony," Kitten replied. "The funny thing is that there used to be alot more to it. If I didn't know better, I'd swear someone snuck into my dressing room, and stole the top part of my costume just so I'd have to go on the show tonight topless." She placed her hands on her hips and gave Tony an accusatory look. He gave a shifty look, and winked to the camera. "Yeah, funny that," he murmured. "Funny that it happened last night, too."
"And the 83 nights before that," Kitten added. They were both playing the routine for laughs, and the audience was eating it up. "Yknow, Tony, when you hired me to hostess the show, you said I wouldn't have to show my boobs unless it was absolutely necessary."
"Well, let's put it to the audience, shall we. How about it, guys, is it necessary for Kitten to show us her tits?!"
"YES!" they roared back. Nicola giggled.
"Now, Kitten, leaving aside your knockers for a moment," (a drum sting from the band) "we've got some really great guests on the show tonight, haven't we?"
"That's right Tony," Kitten replied. "Our first guest is a gorgeous twenty-year-old actress and model who comes all the way from down under."
"Down under, huh? That figures. Right before the show, she went down on me."
Another drum sting, followed by a collective groan from the audience. Nicola blushed deep red. If only they knew Tony wasn't joking!
Kitten continued. "Although she's only been in Hollywood a couple of months, she's already racked up leads in two movies, Bikini Bandits and Bikini Stewardesses 2. Please welcome, Miss Nicola Baron!"
Nicola swallowed. It's showtime! she told herself, and with that stepped out to meet her adoring fans. A wave of cheers greeted her entrance. Nicola stood blinking under the studio lights, unable to see them properly, but certainly hearing them. Noise and heat buffeted her. Nicola felt hot and sweaty, her small amount of clothing uncomfortable against her perfect body. She smiled and waved, uncertain of what to do next. Kitten appeared, and guided her by the arm toward the interview area. "You're doing great, sweetheart," she whispered. "Just remember to relax and give the folks out there the show they want to see."
From behind his desk, Tony arose, giving Nicola a chaste peck on the cheek, and a not so chaste grope of her boob. Then Nicola settled down on the couch, crossing her smooth legs and smiling coyly into the camera. Kitten sat next to her, wrapping her arms around herself to make a shelf to rest her massive boobs on.
"So, Nicola," Tony began, "I understand you have a cute little nickname that you've come to be known as in Hollywood. Would you care to share it with us?"
Nicola rolled her eyes theatrically. "It's Knickers."
"Knickers?" asked Tony. "Panties, as you Americans would say," Nicola replied. Tony laughed. "How do you get a name like that?"
"Well, it started when I was 17. I was at school, getting changed for gym. Anyway, I was just taking my skirt off when I realized I wasn't wearing any underwear. All the other girls noticed and started laughing at me. From then on I was 'Knickers'." Nicola blushed 'remembering' the incident. In fact her agent had dreamt it up for her when she came to Hollywood.
Tony laughed. "So, 'Knickers'. Tell us a little about yourself."
"Well, I was born in Melbourne, Australia. I was a professional model there, starting when I was 16. A couple of months ago, though, I got a new agent and he suggested I come over to Hollywood to become an actress. So I took the plunge and here I am."
"Now, I understand that there's a slight difference between the kind of work you did back home and what you're doing here in California."
"That's right, Tony. You see, I used to be such a terrible prude. I would never've dreamed of taking my clothes off for a photographer."
"But all that's changed now?"
"Oh, you betcha. I work nude, I model nude, I act nude. I should pretty much stop buying clothes."
The audience chuckled. The shy Nicola was melting away, replaced by the exhibitionist Knickers who always wanted to be the center of attention. Knickers, the gorgeous Aussie starlet with the killer bod who couldn't wait to show it off. Nicola sat back in the couch, thrusting her chest forward and casting sultry gazes down the camera lens. She crossed and uncrossed her legs, quickly flashing her bare pussy, and eliciting a gasp from her audience. Nicola giggled to herself, enjoying the tease. Even Tony looked flustered.
"Well... perhaps you'd like to tell us what your measurements are?" he asked.
"Sure," Nicola replied. She stood up, and leaned toward the camera, causing her top to fall open to give the craning audience a peak at her luscious tits. "I'm 38," she cupped her boobs, "25", her hands slid down her bare stomach, "35", ending up on her shapely hips, barely covered by that scandalously short miniskirt. She smiled to her audience, and was seated again. This time, she sat with her knees just a little further apart.
"Not bad," murmured Kitten beside her, running a hand over Nicola's arm.
Tony was really surprised by now. Perhaps he was unused to his guests being quite so forward. "Perhaps we should move on... you've recently finished your second movie, Bikini Stewardesses 2."
"Yes Tony," Nicola replied. "I've brought along a clip tonight which really shows off my um, 'acting talent.'" She gave the camera a wink.
"Let's roll that, shall we?" said Tony.
The lights dimmed, and all eyes turned to the big overhead monitor. It was the 'recruiting' scene. Onscreen, Nicola was dressed in a skimpy halter top and very short shorts, standing in a lineup with a number of other gorgeous young women. Nicola's friend Jennifer, as Bikini Airways founder Melissa, was dressed in the traditional Bikini Stewardesses outfit- blue bikini, little blue cap, collar and cuffs, and a pair of gold wings clipped to a bikini strap. 'Melissa' was giving the new recruits a stirring speech.
"So you wanna be a Bikini Stewardess? Well, we don't just take anyone. My girls are the best of the best, always willing to do whatever it takes to ensure our passages enjoy the best flight ever." She paused in front of Nicola. "What's your name, sweetheart?"
Nicola snapped to attention, thrusting her impressive cleavage forward. "Kelly," she replied. "Well, Kelly," asked Jennifer, "do you think you've got what it takes to be a Bikini Stewardess? A sky-bunny? A cabin-cutie? A mile-high maid? A First-Class Filly? An all-action, all-smiling, don't-know-the-meaning-of-the-word-no one-woman inflight entertainment center?"
Nicola thought about it for a moment, and then snapped back, "Will all due respect ma'am, you can bet your pretty little ass on it."
Jennifer raised an eyebrow. "And what do you think makes you qualified?"
Nicola smiled. "These." With that, she reached behind her back and popped the clasp on her halter-top. Her impressive boobs bounced into view. Grinning, 'Kelly' stared out at her audience, pushing her tits together.
The studio audience clapped. On the couch, Nicola gave a shy smile to their compliment to her obvious talent.
"Wow," said Tony, "that sure is a nice set of hooters you were flashing there."
Nicola blushed. "Thank-you Tony."
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