[Cigar4u]

Hurley vs. Kruger Part 2

Sure enough, things began to go wrong for Liz from the start.

Liz wanted to put on the wrestling show in New York’s Madison Square Garden, but the liability insurance to protect so many famous actresses, singers and models from injury was just too great to hold it anywhere in the United States.

The fact that Kruger, on Claudia’s instructions, provided inaccurate financial information on the insurance application forms also helped spike the chances of the event winding up in any major U.S. city.

Liz had to turn to her homeland where the insurance and restrictions were much lower (and where Claudia and Heidi had no clout to stop it.)

Liz and her friends managed to sell all 3,000 seats at $200 a ticket to raise the initial $600,000 gate.

But, as Hurley had learned in years past, the real money was not in ticket sales, but rather in the hundreds of thousands of dollars raised at the event by fans throwing money onto the playing field in appreciation of the competition or after meeting their favorite celbrities after the event.

Hurley knew she would have to more than double the gate in event-day donations to break the record, and that was going to be difficult. No one had ever done that in the five previous bi-annual sporting challenges.

Also, Hurley had a string of bad luck with key matches falling through.

Her original big main event was going to be the current Mrs. Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie against the former Mrs. Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston. But a week after the match was announced, causing ticket sales to soar, Aniston mysteriously pulled out, saying she had another engagement.

The fact that Claudia and Heidi had met with the former “Friends” star and presented Aniston with a huge check for her own favorite charity had to have played a role in Jennifer pulling out of a match she so desperately wanted with the husband-stealing tramp.

Also, Liz could not even get the young hot stars like Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, etc., to return her phone calls.

Unbeknown to Liz, Heidi and Claudia had contacted nearly all of the hot younger stars and warned the little princesses that they were being setup by Liz for beatings at the hands of older, jealous women stars.

Liz then turned to a number of veteran celebrities and was able to put together an impressive card of 10 matches – two tagteam encounters and eight one-on-one battles.

To a woman, each celebrity agreed to do the event as long as there would be no cameras present to record action that could later be used to humiliate them.

The paparazzi were thwarted at the gate and cell phones and other spy photography devices were confiscated in the lobby by private security officers and Bobbies using electronic searching devices.

To Liz’s disappointment, a number of the matches turned out not to be as sexy as she imagined they would be. In fact, some were friendly encounters with a lot of giggling, missed spots and goofing off.

In the opening match, modern-day Charlie’s Angels Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore won a close scientific encounter against Sex and the City stars Kim Cattrall, a native Brit, and Sarah Jessica Parker.

All four girls hugged at the end of the supposed grudge match and the audience politely applauded. No money was thrown into the ring and the collection plates after the match were just about empty.

In an effort to avoid losing her audience’s intrest early on, Liz moved up one of the bigger matches, Uma Thurman vs. Darryl Hannah, who were reprising their exciting karate bout from “Kill Bill Vol. 2.” Hannah even wore the eyepatch she had worn in the film.

But the fight was nowhere near as exciting as the movie without the Hollywood special effects and cutting techniques.

Each actress missed kicks and botched other maneuvers and laughed about it as fans booed. Thurman won the uninspiring contest and then drew a laugh from the crowd when she seemingly pulled out Hannah’s one good eye – actually a chocolate ball – and ate it.

Hannah and Thurman then walked out of the ring arm-and-arm laughing. The audience applauded politely. Again, no money was thrown and the collection plates were practically bare.

Hurley was about to pull out her hair over how bad things were going.

The first two matches were nowhere near titilating. So, again Hurley moved up one of her later big matches, hoping that black supermodel Tyra Banks and Hurley’s close friend blond actress Gweneth Paltrow would rip each other apart.

Banks won the match easily. But just like on her touchy-feely women’s empowerment talk show, Tyra refused to degrade Paltrow. Instead, Banks raised Paltrow’s arm after the match and encouraged the crowd to validate Paltrow’s feelings so she did not feel bad about losing.

“Bloody hell!” Hurley shouted after watching that love fest of sugary sportsmanship that again left the collection plates almost mpty. For the first time Liz admitted to MacPherson and Zeta Jones that they may be in real trouble for what was turning into a real dog of a promotion.

Meanwhile, watching from the dressing room area was Claudia Schiffer and Heidi Klum, delighting in their rivals’ pending failure.

“I knew this would be a big bust,” Claudia said. “By the sixth bout this crowd will be pouring out of here like a bloody nose.”

“Yeah, Liz is really going to have to eat shit over this one!” Klum laughed. “Speaking of busts, I got dibs on Liz’s nipples after her fight. You can relieve her of her crotch hairs when we get our hands on her.”

The next match featured two vetrean Hollywood actresses Jamie Lee Curtis and Meg Ryan who took their wrestling work as seriously as their acting. Both had trained real hard and learned how to wrestle properly.

They put on a pretty terrific performance before Curtis eeked out a victory in a clean, well scripted match.
Although both women shook hands at the end, the crowd threw a few dollars into the ring over the superb 15-minute match that featured a lot of holds and a lot of heart on the part of both grapplers. Also, the collection plates were a little fuller than for previous matches.

The same thing happened when Jolie beat Kim Basinger in a one-sided but still well performed fifth match. Basinger really sold her part and put over Angelina big time. And while no clothing was lost, the fans were beginning to get into the spirit of the show.

End of Part 2

Here are Elizabeth Hurley and Diane Kruger in evening gowns: