[torretxt]

To say it's been a miserable week would be the understatement of the year. I finally got up the courage to crawl off my pitty-pot and speak out (for what it's worth) because I feel that over the years I've come to appreciate, respect and admire many of you and I owe some of you that much.

By now you've figured out that the now infamous photos of me aren't really me at all. Yes, it's true I lied to Klondike privately about what I looked like after last year's ride and then things spiraled out of control and before I knew it the false photos were plastered all over the place and I was too chicken to speak out after the cat was out of the box.

Yes, I did in FACT ride naked in last year's parade (the ONLY time I did it) and it was the best thing I've ever experienced in my life. I was indeed inspired by Klondike to actually make the trip many months beforehand and my account of what happened that I posted here was accurate and true (except for my color scheme of course).

So why lie? I've been called mysterious by some of you. Not really. It was just a case of self-preservation and perhaps a little remorse for taking such a bold step last year. I am indeed shy and awkward in public. Riding in the parade took a lot of guts and I'm STILL amazed even now that I could find the courage to do it. Unfortuantely after all was said and done I didn't have the courage to "identify" myself to all of you. When I saw pictures of the REAL me popping up all over the Internet after the ride I panicked. Klondike, rightfully proud of what I did later asked me in a pm what I looked like the day of the ride. He so wanted to post pictures of me and even get me to submit pics to The Ladies of OCC. He was so excited! I admired him so much I didn't want to disappoint him but I didn't know how to tell him 'no' without hurting his feelings. Just saying 'no' seems easy now but back then I just couldn't do it. Yeah, I know he's probably feeling worse now and that does bother me more than any of you will ever know or will probably even believe, but its true.

You see, putting a label - a name - to my REAL pics was more than I could handle emotionally or physcologically. Yes they're out there - too easy to find really. The Internet reaches places all over the world. I knew how clever you guys were - the fact that your detective work only took minutes after the parade to figure out my little fib is proof of that. My biggest fear was and still is being discovered by people I know. Riding naked last year was a risk that I decided to take. I took precautions that, in my own mind at least, helped me talk myself into doing it. If people did manage to suspect me by finding a photo I had plausible deniablity built in with good and trusted friends of mine (eg, who would vouch that I was miles away from that parade last year, etc, etc). BUT if I identified myself to all of YOU there was no way to control for all the possibities. For example if one or more of you living in my homestate spotted me out and about and approached me talking about my naked pics -especially in front of family or coworkers I'd be screwed. Most of you I'm sure wouldn't do such a thing but how many members belong to OCC? Too many to take the risk.

Yes I'm not really that bright and looking back perhaps there was a better way to handle this. For whatever pain or disappointments I may have caused I'm truly sorry. I'm not sorry I protected myself mind you just that I didn't think things through too clearly back then.

Lastly, and this is to SAL32, I may deserve all your ridicule or castigation. I accept that. But it's just down right cruel and mean-spirited to question my gender. That's pretty low - even for you. I am who I say I am and I happen to be married to a great and supportive husband who understands my crazy and often unpredictable mind. And personally I don't give a hoot whether you believe it or not.

I'll go crawl under my rock now and leave you all alone. Oh and if some of you DO happen to figure out who I really am in last year's photos, and it's highly probable that someone might given the talent on this board, please just keep it to yourself.
Torre.