Alcohol Warning Labels
If government is going to put health warning labels
on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a
little truthfulness about the matter!
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up
with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit
truck at 100 yards.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like an asshole.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same boring story over and over again until your
friends want to smash your head in.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
things like thish.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying
your butt at the office Christmas party.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell ever happened to your pants
(panties) anyway.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll
over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter
than some really, really, really big biker guy
named "Big Al."
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you
can logically converse with other members of
the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
you are invisible.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in
the time-space continuum, whereby small (and
sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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