[villagebarrelmaker2]

In retrospect, it is unquestionable that my now ex-wife viewed sex as a courtship tool. We had a perfectly fine sex life before we got married. After we got married, sex was for procreation only. The sex on our honeymoon was bad and practically non-existent.

I'll never forget about three weeks into our marriage, on a free Sunday afternoon, I suggested to my wife that we have sex. Her reply? "No, I'm not interested." It stayed that way for the most part for nearly 26 years. We had sex very, very, rarely and she never had any interest in sex or initiated it. She had only two orgasms during our marriage, which were both during a one-week period, even though I was up for doing whatever she wanted. She just didn't want anything.

I agree with the idea that helping with the housework, etc. has nothing to do with it. My wife had what she watned--a sperm donor with a good income. She stayed home with the kids and really didn't have much interest in me as long as the money kept flowing in.

The embarassing thing is that once she got from me what she wanted--the children and financial security-- she tossed me out. I should have divorced her about a year into our marriage, but I bought into her world view.

Now I am with a partner who is very sexual. We enjoy pleasing each other sexually. It's been going for 11 years and everything is great. I feel very lucky. I don't think a relationship can be strong without a sexual component.

As far as the "good girl" issue goes, it's true that my current partner has much more sexual experience than my ex had had, in large part because my partner has always been horny and my wife never was. I don't doubt that part of what attracted me to my wife was that she didn't have a lot of sexual experience, and was accordingy, in my mind, a 'good girl." When I got married, at 26, there was no way I would have been interested in my now partner because I would have viewed her as having too much sexual experience.

However, a largely sexless 26-year marriage sure cured me of that prejudice. If you want a woman who desires sex, then I think you need to admit that she will have desired sex before you came on the scene.

I grew up with religious guilt about sex. When I was young, I was judgmental about women who were too horny. Yet another bad thing about religion.