[winston optic beer]

I can only speak of my experience with my own wife. For her, I think weight has a lot to do with her self esteem. She tries to blame everything on ageing, but the true culprit is those extra pounds. Lose them and she enjoys nice clothes again, which in turn boosts her confidence. Without that confidence, she dresses to cover up rather than show off.

On my birthday during Covid lockdown when she was at her heaviest, we went for a walk along a deserted beach. With no one else around to see her, she followed my lead and stripped off to sunbathe nude for the first time in years. She had said that her nude beach days were behind her. In that exposed state she opened up emotionally. She told me that it was important for her to have me tell her that she is sexy and beautiful.

The problem with that is, when she's not feeling good about herself, she won't accept the compliment. It's hard to break out of that cycle, but don't stop trying. Maybe, rejecting your compliments initially is a way testing how sincere they are. You need to be more creative in finding ways to get through to her.

My first relationship failed because I didn't work hard enough at convincing my girlfriend that I really loved her. She sought that reassurance from other men. You are fortunate that your wife is honest enough to give you advance warning that she's thinking along these lines. That gives you the opportunity to put it right before she strays. Don't give her permission - that would tell her you don't care.

You'll be amazed what your wife can do if she feels good about herself. When my wife was 48 like yours, she posed nude for body positivity after cancer. She was thrilled that the photographer had made her look beautiful and showed the pictures to everyone she knew. In an interview about it afterwards, she said taking off all her clothes in the studio at her age had been very good for her confidence.