The one kink that I’d describe as my main driver is exhibitionism and it’s been one I’ve carried for most of my life. I remember the first time I really started to come to terms it’s it was as a teenager, watching a film (which I’ve never been able to find the name of) where a character gets locked out of somewhere while she’s naked. This leads to a cmnf scenario with a bunch of guys and she’s completely humiliated. Seeing that on screen brought on this unexpected and intense rush of excitment for me. Seeing her humiliation and the excitment of the leering men changed something for me. I was imagining myself in her place and I was jealous.
I’m the only girl in my family, the youngest of three with two older brother and we grew up in a pretty conservative area out of the city, so that kind of behaviour would have been unimaginable. But I was obsessed with it and couldn’t stop thinking about how embarrassed, mortified and ashamed I’d be if that happened to me. I used to walk around in my room naked with the door unlocked risking someone walking in. This progressed to sneaking out into the yard naked at night and seeing how far I could make it from the house before I chickened out. Eventually as I got older I would drive to places at night and wonder around naked, abandoned work sites, nature trails, beaches.
Eventually I discovered that the rush of being seen by someone you know is so much higher than that with a stranger. The knowledge that I’ll have to see that person again and the shift in the power dynamic of them knowing what my body looks like is quite an intense and addictive feeling. I also found out that this feeling is all the stronger when it’s someone that I dislike. Having a person that knows I dislike them getting to see me in such a vulnerable state is exciting like nothing else.
I was always afraid of actually being caught and seen, and that was the most exciting thing for me as I’m sure many here would understand. I’ve been lucky enough to find a husband who shares and encourages this behaviour which has led to some amazing experiences over the years.
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