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Paris Euarbian Match "All the News That Fits After Beheading"
Jelzeel 37, 2175

Controversy Continues Over Mysterious Find

The uproar in Sharia law continues as several claimants came forward demanding return of the mysterious disc
recently discovered that it is alleged will prove beyond doubt that women once had hair you know where. French Miniser of Islamic Justice Hussein Ali Faisal Mitterand has turned the matter over to the courts for a decision. A seven imam panel will have to sort out the claims.

Perhaps the most compelling story comes from little Hans Ibn Saud Mujaheed, of Antwerp. "We were playing our usual after-madrasa game of Throw-the Stone-at-the-Immodest-Female, and I was reaching to pick up a particularly fine rock when I saw it. There in front of me was a glint of siver. I knew right away that I had uncovered some great find. Professor von Gottenber happend by and stole it from me. All of us boys tried to stone this evil man to death, but he managed to slip away after I clipped him a good one in the head."

Another claim comes from Sandra Muhahahaha, of Lisbon. This female of doubtful virtue claims that the disc contains pictures of her ancestors, and it should be returned to her family. The police could not compare her face to those of the women on the disc, as she was wearing a sack over her head, and it is a capital crime to uncover the face of a female where more than one man is present. Hence, it cannot be said with certainty if her claim has any validity. What is unusual about Muhahahaha is that she had the temerity to come forward at all. As far as may be determined, she is the first female to speak in public for nearly seventy years.

The lower court of Islamic justice, made up of three ayatollas of saintly virtue, originally decided that the best way to sort out the claims was to execute all the claimants, thereby letting Allah sort them out. For understandable reasons, this ruling was immediately appealed to the French high court. The imams will have to decide whether to let the decision stand, or perhaps reduce the sentences to torture followed by stoning.