[Fox Mulder]

Cases involving the occult are common X Files. One such case started with some hikers in Oregon finding a naked woman in a meadow. She was in a trance-like state, mumbling something about witches fire. Of course, I was interested, but Scully rolled her eyes and said: "We won't find any bubbling cauldrons, Mulder. In fact, this is going to be nothing but toil and trouble." Still, I talked my reluctant partner into a flight to Portland. While Scully examined the woman, I took a 30 mile drive out of town to the meadow where she was found. Not far away from the meadow I saw some ruins and went to investigate. There, I saw a strange (naked) MILF, standing all alone with a rusty can of gasoline. As I approached her, I felt a pain in the back of my head and suddenly blacked out. When I awoke, I had a terrible headache. It was also night. I saw a fire and tried to crawl toward its warmth. As I got closer I saw a naked woman dancing, then another and another. Witches? The fire grew dangerously large while the women danced. Then I saw a striking woman I assumed was their leader. She was a somewhat demonic figure. She seemed to be a redheaded she-devil with dark eyes. Well, she had horns and a pitch fork, anyway. She was naked and rather hot, if you'll excuse the expression...and I found myself with an involuntary erection. She came over to me and pressed the pitch fork to my throat. It felt lighter than I expected, almost like plastic. Then she squated down on me and began riding my cock...chanting in tongues I was too dizzy to decipher. I blacked out just as I came inside her. When I awoke, I was naked and alone. I had dried semen on my pubic hair. There was no she-devil, no dancing women, no fire - or even evidence of fire. However, there was Dana Scully, leaning over me and checking my eyes for a dialated pupil that might indicate a severe head injury. I was more or less fine. "Really, Mulder?" she growled "You had me examining a manic woman who was off her meds...and you decided to go jerk off in a meadow!" I didn't bother to explain. What would be the point? She wouldn't believe me. She never does. But you folks here at OCC have the pictures. Believe...or just jerk off. I don't care.