Jackpiker - Do I regret it? No. If I could go back, would I do it again? Absolutely. And I’m sure I will be nude on stage in some form or another again. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. And as I said, the rush is a bit addicting. I definitely feel the rush at the moment of exposure or at the moment that a new threshold is crossed. After the show - no butterflies or nerves. More like a euphoric feeling. Can’t stop smiling. Often very aroused. But lots of good feelings.
Duran Duran asked about why it made me horny and whether it changed my sexual predilections in my personal life.
What turns a person on is such a complex and multi layered thing. It's easy to know that you feel aroused, but to dive deeper and understand why, is this really exciting sexual exploration / journey. So maybe I don't have it all figured out but here's what I know.
Part of it is a power dynamic. Your body and your poses are making a crowd of people hungry with arousal. Their desire for you. They want to come up on that stage and fuck you. In that moment, their carnal lust for your flesh trumps everything. To be so extremely desired by so many people (men and women) is a very powerful feeling and one that I find extremely arousing.
But the other end of the power dynamic in this case is that I'm vulnerable. I'm helpless. I'm at the complete mercy of the posers. When you give up control of your body for an extended period of time like that, you really start to inhabit the role of the puppet. I know it sounds weird. But you become fully committed. I became a puppet. I only moved from the posers and in the moment I would have let them do anything. They could have taken Andrew's erection and penetrated me with it and I would have let it happen. Someone asked if I wanted that to happen - sometimes I most definitely did. Of course it never did and we had huge amounts of trust with each other. But somehow giving up control, even just in mindset, was incredibly arousing for me.
I think I'm an exhibitionist, but maybe a weird kind of one. I don't want to just be sl*tty and flash my tits at someone. What's cool about the performance is that there's artistic merit to it. (I truly believe that we did more than just titillate the crowd and that our message was thought provoking) But beyond the art of it, it was also the posers who were in control and so it sort of gives me permission to enjoy being on display while absolving my responsibility for it. I'm not on display for the purpose of my own arousal, I'm on display for these other reasons and my arousal is just a side effect.
I saw another post here about fashion models showing their pussy lips on the catwalk as the model lingerie. That's really hot to me and I would love to do that. But I have no desire, in fact I find it a turn off, to think about flashing my boobs at a party or posting nudes of myself online. It just feels cheap somehow and takes the eroticism out of it for me. So, sorry pball2295, I don’t have any desire to post a nude of myself here. But if you happen to see the performance, I would love to show you every inch of me.
I think maybe I'm also interested in exploring a submissive side to sex. I don't feel that I'm naturally submissive as a personality - at all really. But the power dynamic of dominance and submission can be quite erotic I think. Maybe I'd like to explore both sides of that.
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