[jdviole2]

When we first got married the subject of children never came up. Frankly we were having too much fun with just the two of us. After a few years we did talk about kids but sort of left things that if either of us really felt the need we would let the other know. Finally Helena sat down with me one day and said she thought we should have a baby. For the next two years we exhaustively pursued conception. (sex is great but not time critical sex, it ends up being work) It never happened. Whether it was me or her we never knew. Nor did we want to find out. Friends asked later why we didn't go to a fertility clinic or pursue adoption. For both of us, in all of life, if things were meant to happen then they would. For us, kids never did happen. In 1994 after she had the second bleeding into her brain her neurosurgeon told me that it was a good thing she never got pregnant, since the experience would very likely have killed her. Helena would have been a great mother. Though she would argue that with me, if she could, I've seen her around kids and she was amazing. Not so much in the later years after her health began to fail but in the early years. Not that we did totally without the experience of kids. Two sets of friends of ours would "lend" us their kids from time to time. At one time or another we took pairs of kids to amusement parks, movies, weekend trips, etc. We were godparents to one of the kids first born son. We got invited to family birthdays, Christmas celebrations, etc. Since we didn't have any kids we were pretty free to vacation when we wanted. I guess we were selfish in that way. People have also commented that it is too bad we never had children so I could have had help with Helena's care. When I look at other people though it seems like a lot of the time the kids don't live close to their parents anymore anyway. Of course in some cases the kids don't even speak to their parents anymore. All in all we were both OK with how life treated us as far as children were concerned. At least with the 4 "kids" we had (by proxy) Helena will be remembered. For myself I really don't care. When I go if the next day no one remembers I was here I'm OK with that. But I feel it would have been a tragedy if my Helena was not remembered by someone. OK on to the pictures. The first one is that High School graduation picture I mentioned before. Not a good picture of her at all it was taken in 1971. The second is another one taken by her dad. I find it very sexy. From 1972. Number three is from the late 70's in Colorado. She was dedicated to taking pictures. He approached it the way she did everything she loved. She put her all into it. Number 4 is at the trial garden. The man is her father. The next picture is from the mid 80's. This is at Blue Lake in Colorado. Her favorite place to hike. Had she wanted cremation this was where I planned to scatter her ashes. (Against the law but screw 'em). The snow she is standing on contains some lichens that turn the snow a dark pink when you disturb the surface. The last one is another of 4 shots I took at the same time. This is NOT the same one I posted before.