[Pedro the Fisherman]

The ‘room of love’ seemed warm and cosy as I walked barefoot to my back Jack and mat, I'd left the night before. Next to mine, was one marked ‘Emma’ and I wondered which of the females it belongs to. The question was answered when the blonde who refused my hug walked past me and collected it. So, you're an Emma, I thought. Pretty name for a pretty lady, I'm going to try and bring you around before the course is over. I positioned myself in a similar position to yesterday. G was now over the other side of the room. The facilitators arrive and give us a pep talk on how you “put the most you can into something, the more you will get out". They then announce that ‘Cherie’ a woman of about 60 will be joining us to balance the gender, she had been one of the helpers, but we had ‘lost' a female this morning, the nervous lady it transpired. Last night had been too much for her, I wondered if she knew what was coming this morning? I was a little sad, as I'd imagined seeing her naked on my morning walk.

That morning we were divided into big and small groups, these (it would be explained shortly) would be for discussion and larger exercises, when not working one to one. We had no choice in what group to join, the helpers came and took you by the hand to a balanced group. I found myself in a group of six (small group) and without any of the people I'd hoped to be with! Nick (insomniac and HAI regular), John (a helper, who would also act as a type of facilitator in this small group) and three ladies. The flame haired beauty, the short haired dumpy lady of about 60 (Jan) and a girl who was from Slovenia but living in London. She was quite attractive and in her late 30s, with longish light brown hair and wore more make up than we'd been told about last night! The flame haired girl was called ‘Alex’ and although stunningly beautiful, had a rather cold manner. I wondered if she had hoped to be in a small group with better looking men!

John took charge and we all had to speak for 2 minutes on what brought us here, then another turn to talk about ourselves. The Slovenia girl had been working in London for 7 years, but had found it difficult to bond with any man in the UK. She hoped the course would help her see if it was anything about herself that she could change. Jan told us she had been a nurse for 30 years and 4 years ago, her husband had left her for a younger woman. She wanted to rediscover intimacy before she got too old! Alex, was a shock! She lives in Spain and had come over just for the course, recommended by a girlfriend of hers. She had been working as a fashion expert on TV (Channel 5 in the UK) but the show had ended and she needed a boost. She announced she was very ‘materialistic’ and hopeless with relationships, she hoped this weekend might help her to change.

The morning continued, several ‘melees' and a larger group discussion (two small groups together) allowed me a look at ‘Emma' who was in the adjacent other small group. We were then broken up and invited to come up to the facilitators stage and say anything about ourselves or how we were finding things. A coffee break was declared and we trooped out. I looked at the common room clock, it was after 11 and my pulse rose. I also forgot to say, we were not allowed watches!

I went to the toilet and remembered I had no underwear on, worried about a drip marking my jogging pants, I took longer than normal to leave. When I returned, the last of the group was trooping into the room. Damn, now I'd be at the back. We were told to sit in a space of our own and we were about to reach the ‘most difficult’ part of the weekend for many here. The facilitators spent 20 minutes telling us how it was going to work. Nobody had to remove any clothing, unless they wanted to. There was no right or wrong way to approach the next module, we were all ‘at choice’.

We were then asked to stand up and close our eyes....I could hardly breath!