Quote:
Originally Posted by brunettesrule
You are with a deeply flawed guy. For the life of me, I don't see what you find appealing in him - either before or especially now. I find it hard to believe that the discovery of this affair was the beginning of his toxic and controlling behavior. You should take a look at a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. While it is ostensibly about how to recognized dangerous situations and protect yourself, it also covers how to recognize toxic and dangerous behavior by partners/spouses. You have a good job and seemingly do not depend on your husband for financial support. You should begin to consider how you can cut yourself loose from him.
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I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been torturing me mentally.
He calls me a home wrecker. I just want a happily married life. I don't want anything from him except for him to be sensible.
Everything that goes wrong is now my fault. I have been married for 16 years and we have had a pretty rough marriage,lots of different problems that were not easy at all for me. My husband says"fuck you" to me. He has said this to me many times when he is frustrated with me or when we are in an argument. Each time I tell him that it is wrong to say that, it hurts me, and that I never swear at him. It hurts me so much that most times I cry myself to sleep. He very rarely apologizes for saying it. He's also demeaning and demanding, and has deliberately forgot important dates (birthday, anniversary, valentines day). The problem that I have is that I feel that I can not communicate with him about anything without him getting defensive or mad at me. He doesn't speak to anyone else this way.
Of course, if I agree with him about everything and just do everything that he asks then he's happy and everything is ok.