You are with a deeply flawed guy. For the life of me, I don't see what you find appealing in him - either before or especially now. I find it hard to believe that the discovery of this affair was the beginning of his toxic and controlling behavior. You should take a look at a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. While it is ostensibly about how to recognized dangerous situations and protect yourself, it also covers how to recognize toxic and dangerous behavior by partners/spouses. You have a good job and seemingly do not depend on your husband for financial support. You should begin to consider how you can cut yourself loose from him.
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