Quote:
Originally Posted by brunettesrule
It sounds like you and your husband have not gone to counseling by a professional. I get your husband's sense of betrayal but it is abusive in the extreme for him to constantly hold it over your head like this. Especially, if this was the only time you cheated, you expressed remorse, and you have made a good-faith effort to demonstrate that you will not do it again.
I think that not only would you need joint counseling, but he would need a separate counselor to just help him deal with this in general.
As to the AA meetings, I don't care whether it's a one-party or two-party state for recording purposes, you should go ahead and surreptitiously record these conversations. At the very least, you could play them back for your husband so that he could see why you cannot attend these particular meetings any more. If he doesn't understand THAT, then I don't see at all why you are still married to him -- and I would definitely understand why you had an affair in the first place.
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I love my husband so much but feel like he is slipping further away from me everyday. I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. He resents me because i had an affair.
Because he is always moody he blames me for my affair and says I'm a 'b*tch'. 5 years ago I cheated. I have never cheated before. My husband and I struggled with communication. We had sex like once every 2 months for years. I felt like my life was passing me by. The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me atleast. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again.He is soooo angry still,I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.
I can't talk to my husband about this situation with this ugly ginger midget groper woman. I feel like my husband moods tend to make the whole atmosphere change to his mood. I feel if he's in a bad mood I have to tip toe around him and worry my daughter is going to wind him up and cause him to be worse ( he has never physically harmed us), but I do feel like I live on egg shells. If I have ever been funny with him he makes me say sorry (in a slightly over the top belittling way).
I feel so nervous that even if nothing wrong but he ask me a question for example "Do you love me?" or something similar. He even tends to hold my hand or stay close when he's asking questions like this. My husband is always angry, he complains constantly, and makes me feel as though anything I do is inadequate. When he gets upset with me, he leaves the house. Not just for a few minutes, or to walk around, but for several hours. It upsets me like you wouldn't believe! The whole time I'm worried that something happened to him & worried if he'll come home. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I don't fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants.
Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something.
Most of other women AA members think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob. I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I work for a good company. I am good and competent at my job. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my AA all female group), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood.
I don’t feel like i can complain about this situation with this touchy feely awful ginger short skinny woman to my husband, as he will say it is all my fault. I have been conditioned to think everything is my fault by my husband and to let him walk all over me, so i might be doing it for every outward situation. The only reason i still attend meetings at the same AA all female group is my husband doesn’t want me round other guys and i can’t tell him about this problem because he will say it’s my fault? Also this woman chair person is respected and well liked in the AA community on a regional level. She does have power over me. She can muck things up for me with my probation officer.