It sounds like you and your husband have not gone to counseling by a professional. I get your husband's sense of betrayal but it is abusive in the extreme for him to constantly hold it over your head like this. Especially, if this was the only time you cheated, you expressed remorse, and you have made a good-faith effort to demonstrate that you will not do it again.
I think that not only would you need joint counseling, but he would need a separate counselor to just help him deal with this in general.
As to the AA meetings, I don't care whether it's a one-party or two-party state for recording purposes, you should go ahead and surreptitiously record these conversations. At the very least, you could play them back for your husband so that he could see why you cannot attend these particular meetings any more. If he doesn't understand THAT, then I don't see at all why you are still married to him -- and I would definitely understand why you had an affair in the first place.
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