Your post and experiences would be well appreciated in the Non Fiction section of the forum.
You can absolutely be both a nudist and enjoy people seeing you naked. I would recommend trying out a nude beach, resort or club; where you can be naked in front of everyone and it be considered normal. It just takes the experience to a whole new level; because you can actually see other people's reaction when they see you naked.
My ex started out as a home-nudist; but when we started social nudity, and she realized she liked they way other people saw her when she was naked in front of them, she embraced social nudity and spending more time naked around other people. People would compliment her too; which she not only embraced, but also increased her self-confidence a lot.
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