[winston optic beer]

A few years ago, my wife was about to become a model in a nude charity calendar. In the run up, I took lots of photos of her at home so she could practice posing.

When we were having dinner with a couple of friends, the subject came up and she got out the 8 by 10 prints I’d made for her. She gave a number of pictures of her clothed to her friend one by one and, after looking at them in turn, the lady passed them across the table to her husband.

Eventually, my wife came to a nude shot. I’d climbed up a step ladder to photograph her from above lying on a wooden floor naked on her back with legs and arms stretched out. I was proud of this photo because the pose was amazing and her skin tones and the colour of the oak flooring complemented each other perfectly.

My wife handed her friend this explicit picture with the warning that she might not want her husband to see this one. The friend studied the nude photo for a long time without comment, presumably weighing up whether she was cool about her husband seeing my wife completely naked.

Eventually, she held up the explicit picture for her husband to see and said to him “look at this beautiful wooden floor, isn’t it fabulous?”. He agreed that the floor was very nice. He was only allowed to look at this full frontal view of view of my spouse for a few seconds before his wife turned it face down on to the table.

He was fortunate to see that much because my wife hasn’t allowed any other men to see the photo. I bet he couldn’t have told us the colour of the floor. Lots of people got to see her calendar pictures but he was the only one of my friends who saw absolutely everything she’s got, even if it was only a quick flash.