Congratulations on your first story! It's more work than you think when you start writing. I'll offer a few suggestions.
You need more descriptions of your characters so, we the readers, can form a mental picture. Things like height, body type, skin tone, hair color, etc. The story's antagonist was named Rachel, but the victim was not named.
What was the backstory? Why did Rachel have it in for the victim? What did the victim do to deserve this treatment?
Use quotation marks when the character is speaking. Keeps thing organized and helps with readability of the story.
Consider writing in the third person. It is my preference both in the stories I write and those that I read. As an author, third person gives you so much more latitude. You can read their minds, what they are feeling and thinking.
Good Luck on your next work.
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