I agree with the the comments above. You have some very good ideas and descriptions, but the format you chose to present them is confusing. I had to re-read several passages to determine if I was reading a quote by one of the characters or a descriptive passage. The changing names is really confusing. I would suggest , in your next work, that you use standard punctuation and formatting. Makes you story much more readable. Please don't be discouraged by these comments. I think you have much potential and I'd like to see more of your ideas.
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