...in my case I've followed it already.
We've been married 20+ years
(which in itself is part of the problem - how do you maintain the variety/novelty?) and I've spent a good amount of time re-living 'Groundhog Day'. Each time I see what works and what doesn't - and then I try a little something new. Things are getting better now that we have reverted to 'scheduled sex' (something a couples counsellor suggested a few years back) which removes the spontaneity but at least gets her in the saddle twice a week...
I think she's been reminded again that she does enjoy a good ride!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrhitachi99
Could it be how you're approaching it? My wife has a super low sex drive and rarely explores her own fantasies. But by being patient and more subtle in my approach with her we can occasionally have some pretty satisfying encounters. I took it as a challenge to figure out what "works" for her as opposed to why she couldn't be as expressive as the women we read about here (or others from my past).
One of her early responses to why she's reluctant to explore fantasies and more adventurous sex play is she's afraid it will spiral out of control. I suspect there are other more subliminal fears and possibly repressed memories of abuse. It's a delicate situation and very frustrating for me, as my drive and sense of adventure is pretty high.
One thing is for sure, the perception of pressure or other negativity is the same as throwing ice water on things. It's all about trust. And figuring out how to genuinely communicate. The stuff she's reading is the deep end of the pool, which she might not ever really want to swim in. Figure out how she wants to get her feet wet in the shallow end.
Sorry about the unsolicited advice, but you've got some potential there!
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