Well, it went bad last week. She wouldn't stop seeing or talking to the guy she cheated on me with.
She wanted to be with him, and I kicked her out of my home. She is unable to see what she is doing, is wrong.
I am not going to get into the details at this moment, but I'll do another post in a few days as I collect my head.
Things were done wrong, knee-jerk reactions. If anything, this thread serves as a timeline for MYSELF and OTHERS to see where things went horribly wrong.
As I go backwards more and more, Dec, Nov, Oct, AUG... and in the end, the problem started right here, on the my first post, on page one. We thought we had our boundaries, we did not. She is in an affair fog and simply not seeing the reality of what she is doing. The success rate for a relationship that is created by an affair is less than 1%. Because a "love" built on pain and destruction is not a good foundation to start with. She doesn't think it will fail.
There were times when the brakes should have been applied HARD and we had hours long talks about what were were doing. What started out with us being an open relationship had morphed into a Hotwifing without us knowing it... if this was a random or a rare play partner, this would be one thing. But the constant sex with the co-worker and them hanging around all the time - turned into an affair, behind my back. They even say "its not an affair!" - but they are full of shit.
This was not an Open Relationship as she thought it was, and even has told people it was. And worse, a few of her crazy friends have outed us as an OR ex-couple too, but far worse than that - they have exaggerated or out-right lies of things that we simply did not do which is very disturbing. One of them told lies to my EX-W, that I too would leave me, except they were not true.
If we were in an Open Relationship, we'd have a more balanced partner sharing. We should have done less. And the thing is, everything was a mistake caused by communication failure on HER part, more than mine. I tried to not show jealousy by letting her have fun... this was a mistake, I should have voiced my issues much stronger. Not just the anger side - but the HURT side. That I was developing issues with what we were doing.
Some of the BS her friends have made public, that are such BS is things like "He brought men to her, to have sex with" "He had Fuked many man women" on and on - total bullshit. Things that are very disturbing and out-right lies. One of them, might have been told lies by my EX. When people start an affair, they - especially women, will re-write their marital history. Where the betrayed becomes the bad guy, didn't like her that much, etc.
In truth, when we first dated - I was into open relationships and she had a 3-way relationship at an earlier point in her life, but she didn't understand the various Open Relationship types. I told her I could wait and she can decide when she ready to try OR sex. It would be years before she said "Lets play with that couple".
But I did a count. The number of we had sex with since we got together was:
ME = 3 women (Not including breast play with others - both of us)
Her = 30 people (6 of the were women. 12 of them were strictly blowjobs, leaving 12 men she had intercourse with)
Not a single one of them, I forced her to have sex with. Some, she did without me knowing and told me after the fact... but hey, we're open relationship. And the kicker is, one of the things that bugged the hell out of her all these years as she told me in one of our last talks before she was kicked out.
1 - She said she did it all for me, for love!
2 - She didn't like seeing me have sex with other women, yet one of them was a her friend hers and they had sex with each other too!
3 - But she had all the sex partners, not me.
4 - Get this, over time with these few women - I was realizing I didn't want to be with another woman.
Never during this time, did I forget to love my wife! And now she is gone, she is a shell of the woman I once was totally in love with, just a few short months ago. She is now a very bad person who has done cruel things to me.
The thing she can't see, is that everything she has done and continues to do - is that of someone who is or was in an affair. She doesn't see anything BAD with that young man. He's all perfect in every way, no flaws. He doesn't see any in her. Sorry, but breaking up your marriage over lies is pretty low.
I am very destroyed from everything that has happened. Things should have been slower and she should have spoken up earlier, or been truthful with her issues. But she wasn't and I didn't know.
I'm recovering and wanting to date other women. I have no desire to get back that dead-thing, that was once my beloved wife. But I am in grief of her being what she is - evil and ugly inside out. She has little morals and no soul. She has no sympathy for what she is doing me and our family unit or what she has done. She doesn't care.
Someday, the fog will lift from her, and she'll see what she has lost. I won't be there waiting.
*sob*
