[captaintrips]

Originally Posted by clitty

This will be as short as I can make it.

Things I have learned in the past few months, hell past few weeks. First: kinky/sharing with honesty is *NOT* cheating, but of course must be mutual between the couple. That said, everyone who has been betrayed by their husband or wife - IMHO, especially the wife because of emotional attachment, is perhaps one of the MOST traumatic experiences you can ever go through, it up there with death of a loved one. No joke. I've rather break both my arms. Another guy said, he's rather be shot - and he has been.

Out of all the kinky/sharing/3-some-sex we've done, none of it bothered me. We'll not quite true - there were some situations that had to be "adjusted". But lying, betrayal and the thought of your (my) wife having sex with someone else and saying "I love you" is the worst. I'm talking about gut-retching nausea, anxiety attacks with very high blood pressure. While being an "open marriage" might have helped caused the situation, the affair would have happened even if we were an iron-clad monogamous couple. What led up to it, had nothing to do with being OPEN.

The update, a few weeks ago...

We've had a major setback when my wife was not quite being honest with making contact with Dave. Hell, John had found out and warned her she needed to stop. Within two days I would find this out when we ran into Dave and the shit hit the fan. Manipulation appears to be going on, done to my wife and its needs to be sorted out.

Lets just say, police were involved and I made their affair very public to our family without giving a damn.

I'm tired. I'll post recommendations to keep in mind, such as books and articles. Affairs from the workplace is on the rise. Don't full yourself. Even the most loving, perfect marriage can end up having an affair partner by accident. Those kinksters who are 100% honest with their spouses will do very against such dangers.

I'll do this one because its simple:
http://www.goasksuzie.com/common-sym...l#.Vtaj-vkrJaQ


I'm going to bed and lay down with my sleeping wife, which I don't know if we'll have a future. I tell you what, trying to sleep in an empty is... so emptiness. We're trying again. She knows she fuked up bad and I really really shouldn't try again. But we both know - I have no more "forgiveness" left to give. She's being OPEN to things that happened and telling the truth - even if it hurts, it does actually heal, because it is actual truth to things I knew, were lies.

I have access to her online accounts... which builds trust. We have a long way to go.

What depresses me is that we've lost something that won't ever come back - even thou we may be a stronger couple in the future, which I do hope.

This is so sad but at the same time there is some hope.

As well as this awesome forum, I also spend quite some time on an Erotic Stories site (storiesonline.net). I would say that the majority of stories are concerned with upstanding males dealing more or less badly with a cheating wife. If that topic entertains us it must be dealing with a deep-held fear that many males have. Male DNA is telling you to spread it around, get as many females pregnant as you can. But watch out for that alpha-male who'll bust your balls for messin' with his ladies. Female DNA is telling them to find the fittest male in the tribe to get pregnant by.
Now we throw in a sprinkling of something we call civilization and that changes the story somewhat. The male still wants to fuck everything in sight but denies himself that for the ability and permission to fuck one particular female however many times and whenever he wants. The female makes the bargain not to seek out the fittest male for breeding if the male she has will stick around and take care of her and the offspring. Now given that, if the wife cheats, the male psyche is given a double whammy. He has contracted not to "cheat" although his DNA is telling to do just that. And now the partner has broken her side of the bargain. His whole feeling of civilization is put in question. I guess this is one reason for so many crimes de passion.

Being fair, I know a female could put a different interpretation on male cheating. But you are male and this is what you are going through.

Total and extraordinary openness and honesty on your partners part may help to create a new relationship. Don't talk about saving the old relationship. It is gone, history, dead. Whatever you have moving forward will be new as you both now have a different background to that which pertained when you first got together. You may be able to forgive (eventually) but you will never forget. And, if either of you feels that they cannot give the commitment needed to rebuild a relationship, then you should both break it off and stop pissing into the wind.

I think if you are to have any hope, some open and honest sessions with a relationship counsellor are required. I hope you find a good one.

You may find this story is not a million miles away from what you are going through ... storiesonline.net/s/57875/catch-22-wife