This will be as short as I can make it.
Things I have learned in the past few months, hell past few weeks. First: kinky/sharing with honesty is *NOT* cheating, but of course must be mutual between the couple. That said, everyone who has been betrayed by their husband or wife - IMHO, especially the wife because of emotional attachment, is perhaps one of the MOST traumatic experiences you can ever go through, it up there with death of a loved one. No joke. I've rather break both my arms. Another guy said, he's rather be shot - and he has been.
Out of all the kinky/sharing/3-some-sex we've done, none of it bothered me. We'll not quite true - there were some situations that had to be "adjusted". But lying, betrayal and the thought of your (my) wife having sex with someone else and saying "I love you" is the worst. I'm talking about gut-retching nausea, anxiety attacks with very high blood pressure. While being an "open marriage" might have helped caused the situation, the affair would have happened even if we were an iron-clad monogamous couple. What led up to it, had nothing to do with being OPEN.
The update, a few weeks ago...
We've had a major setback when my wife was not quite being honest with making contact with Dave. Hell, John had found out and warned her she needed to stop. Within two days I would find this out when we ran into Dave and the shit hit the fan. Manipulation appears to be going on, done to my wife and its needs to be sorted out.
Lets just say, police were involved and I made their affair very public to our family without giving a damn.
I'm tired. I'll post recommendations to keep in mind, such as books and articles. Affairs from the workplace is on the rise. Don't full yourself. Even the most loving, perfect marriage can end up having an affair partner by accident. Those kinksters who are 100% honest with their spouses will do very against such dangers.
I'll do this one because its simple:
http://www.goasksuzie.com/common-sym...l#.Vtaj-vkrJaQ
I'm going to bed and lay down with my sleeping wife, which I don't know if we'll have a future. I tell you what, trying to sleep in an empty is... so emptiness. We're trying again. She knows she fuked up bad and I really really shouldn't try again. But we both know - I have no more "forgiveness" left to give. She's being OPEN to things that happened and telling the truth - even if it hurts, it does actually heal, because it is actual truth to things I knew, were lies.
I have access to her online accounts... which builds trust. We have a long way to go.
What depresses me is that we've lost something that won't ever come back - even thou we may be a stronger couple in the future, which I do hope.