[Fox Mulder]

1. The good news is that Jack's penis is like a divining rod...it points toward the nearest pussy. The bad news is it never gets fully hard.
2. The good news he's getting to take a shower with the two chicks he met at the bar...he's even getting a very nice blowjob. The bad news is seconds later he finds out they are actually aliens who eat humans...starting with the penis.
3. The good news is Sandy's sex life with the Navy drill instructor is hot. The bad news is he shouts at her all the time, calls her "Mayo -naise" and keeps making her drop down and give him twenty pushups.
4. The good news is Dave's girlfriend just got a part on Broadway. The bad news is she never knows when to stop practicing.
5. The good news is that Sally is highly sexed and incredibly flexible. The bad news is she isn't your girlfriend.
6. The good news is Denise just got nominated to serve on the Supreme Court. The bad news is this picture all over the Internet now.